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Surviving the Distorted Reality, It's Seriously Not that Bad.

Why Things Are Never as Bad as You Think They Are

Remember the last time that you thought that everything was falling apart? Your mind starts racing, your heart starts pounding, and you can't help but feel overwhelmed. You can't think straight and that’s completely normal. It'd be insane if we could think straight and keep a sane mind when we feel like the entire world is against us. Eventually, as time passes, you remember those moments and realize that it wasn't as bad as you made it out to be. 

There's a saying that I always remind myself and tell the people around me when I seem stressed out. “Life is actually really simple. You eat, sleep, and carry on with your day. What else do you need to live?”

Most of the stress that we carry comes from expectations or preconceptions that we've built upon ourselves.

“I'm going to study super hard for this test and get 100%.”

“This deadline is coming up, how am I going to make it in time?”

“I've been single for so long, I'll never get a girlfriend…”

Those ideas ingrain themselves within us but realistically, things are almost always not as bad as we think they are. Your brain always magnifies these problems to extreme amounts the more that you think about it. In hindsight, we realize we were probably overreacting over nothing.

The Brain's Filter: A Distorted Reality

Our brains are incredible organs. Think about how many parts make up our brain! Everyone talks about how you might be right brained or left brained, or even the fact that our brain uses the majority of the energy and calories that we consume everyday.

Our brain is what makes us capable of processing vast amounts of information and helping us navigate the complexities of life. However, they are not always the most reliable, especially when we think about those times when we can't think straight. It's just as simple as that. 

During those times, why is it that we can't think straight? Something insane probably happened, leaving us mentally stunned and distraught. Doesn't it just make perfect sense that we can't think straight when we’re feeling overwhelmed? In fact, our brains have a tendency to distort reality, often making things appear worse than they actually are.

One reason for this distortion is our brain's natural negativity bias. Evolution has wired our brains to pay more attention to negative experiences and emotions as a survival mechanism. This means that when something bad happens, our brains automatically amplify the negative aspects, making them seem more significant than they actually are.

“I've been single for so long, I'll never get a girlfriend…”

Let's take this one example to think about for a little bit. Genuinely, what is wrong with being single? Is getting a girlfriend going to solve all your problems? What would be the problem that you're even solving from getting a girlfriend?

Maybe you're seeing your friends in happy relationships and you wish that you were dating too. However, there's no guarantee that it'll be a happy relationship. When you think about it like that, are you trying to get a girlfriend just for the sake of not being alone? It's miles better to wait and carry on with your own life while searching for happiness yourself! Eventually, as cliche as it sounds, life always has a plan for you and if it's truly what you desire, it'll come when you're least expecting it. When you're not searching for that certain thing, time starts to run faster as you're not counting down the days in desperation. 

When you take a step back and really break down the things that are making you sad or stressing you out, you'll be able to separate the negative biases that your brain has subconsciously attached along to those thoughts. Things aren't as bad as you once thought they were!

Catastrophic Thinking

This twisted reality is also influenced by our brain's propensity for "catastrophic thinking," as psychologists refer to it. Our natural reaction to a problem or challenging circumstance is to imagine the worst-case scenario. We make the issue appear far worse than it is by dwelling on all the worst-case scenarios we can think of.

How frequently does the worst-case scenario really come to pass? Maybe this kind of reasoning is merely the brain's attempt to make the situation less painful. Every negative event looks insignificant when we're used to envisioning the worst-case scenario, wearing us down less than if we were just to wait for the results to come.

It's critical to step back and recognize how emotions affect how we perceive the world when things get too much to handle. Our emotions frequently skew our judgment and impair our ability to perceive things properly.

Though strong, emotions don't always accurately represent the world around us. These are personal experiences that are subject to the effect of many things, such as our ideas, convictions, and prior experiences. When faced with a challenging circumstance, we may become too emotional and fail to see the wider picture. 

By recognizing the role of emotions in our perception of reality, we can begin to regain control over our thoughts and actions. It's important to remember that feelings are not facts. Just because we feel overwhelmed or upset, it doesn't mean that the situation is truly as dire as it seems.

Take those examples from earlier. 

“I'm going to study super hard for this test and get 100%.”

“This deadline is coming up, how am I going to make it in time?”

Let’s now say that a week has passed. How much do those same thoughts affect you now? It's not so bad right? You either got a great grade or a bad grade on the test but has anything around you visibly changed?

Let’s take time to process things

So how can we train our brains to see things in a more balanced and realistic way? It all starts with not acting on things immediately. Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects of a situation, take a step back from the situation and do something else. Do a quick workout. Read a book. When some time has passed (let’s say 30 minutes at least), only then, maybe we can start to think about the situation again. That small period of time might help to shift your focus towards the positive. 

Gratitude practice is one effective strategy. Take a moment to list all the things in your life for which you are thankful, especially in the face of difficulty. You may change your viewpoint and be reminded that there is always something to be grateful for by doing this easy exercise.

Rephrasing the scenario is another useful tactic. See the bright side of things rather than the catastrophe. Consider how this event may help you grow personally and what lessons you might take away from it. Reframing the scenario allows you to transform a bad experience into a learning opportunity.

Finally, it's important to remember that you are not alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a trusted confidant for support. Sometimes, simply talking about your problems can help you gain a fresh perspective and find solutions that you may not have considered before.

Remember, it’s just our brains

When your brain starts telling you that things are worse than they actually are, remember that it's just playing tricks on you. Our brains have a way of magnifying our problems and making them seem insurmountable. But by understanding the power of your brain, recognizing the role of emotions, and changing your perspective, you can regain control over your thoughts and find the strength to overcome any challenge. So the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, wipe away those tears, and remind yourself that things are never as bad as you think.

The Power of Crying: 4 Reasons Why You Should Cry

There's at least 4 reasons why you should cry! Crying is this thing that we’ve always been so scared to do, but in reality, crying is the thing that keeps us all going. It keeps us mentally sane, regulates our emotions, and releases all the pent-up frustration we’ve been keeping inside.

There’s no reason why we shouldn’t cry. Can you think of any? Each reason that I’ve ever come across to not cry is just a preconception that’s been drilled into our head, but it keeps us farther and farther away from feeling better. There are actually at least five great reasons why I think we should all cry, not to cry on demand, but just to allow the rivers to flow when we need to.


1. Crying is our main emotional regulator.

Our urge to cry is a natural response that our body is urging us to do. We’ve gone through something stressful and want to cry, so there’s no reason why we should hold it back. Crying helps us release endorphins, oxytocin, and especially stress hormones.

With endorphins, these are our body’s natural painkillers and mood lifters, helping us reduce physical and emotional pain, and inducing a sense of well-being and relaxation. This is the reason why we feel so much lighter after we cry! 

Oxytocin is the hormone that’s often referred to as the “love” or “bonding” hormone, promoting feelings of trust, empathy, and connection with others. The few people that we’re willing to cry in front of are usually the people that we’re the closest to and are comfortable being vulnerable in front of. Crying only makes this bond stronger. 

Best of all, crying reduces our stress. Our overall stress level goes down after we cry, as it’s the most cathartic feeling that you can experience whenever you’re stressed. Whenever you feel pent up and frustrated from life, think of crying as an emotional bathroom. It’s there for you to get rid of all the toxins within your body, just one cry at a time. 

2. Crying improves our relationships.

Engaging in regular crying can enhance our emotional intelligence. Each time we cry, we’re allowing ourselves to experience and express our emotions fully. We become more aware and understand ourselves better, which in turn, helps us understand other people better. We know how they feel when we see them cry, because we’ve gone through the same thing ourselves. It improves our communication, empathy, and even problem-solving skills. You can share your own experiences, encourage others to embrace those emotions and understand that it’s okay to cry. 

It’s not embarrassing to cry in front of someone! Okay, it might be a little embarrassing at first. But after a while, you realize that you’ve created a really close bond to someone who you’re okay with being vulnerable in front of! You have someone to validate your struggles, and you’re creating a supportive community that understands the value of crying and regulating your emotions. Break down those societal barriers and misconceptions about crying. It’s what makes us feel better. 

3. Crying keeps us healthy!

Other than just the emotions surrounding crying, it actually gives us great physical benefits too! Our tear ducts are producing tears that help cleanse and lubricate our eyes. There’s fake tear drops for a reason!

Not that we want you to cry all the time, but having some tears come out can get rid of dust and allergens, especially during this pollen season. The relief that we feel from crying gets rid of some of the pain that comes from the headaches that build up when we’re stressed as well! The endorphins released from crying are our body’s natural painkillers, getting rid of the pain that we feel from headaches and migraines. 

4. Crying is self-care.

It really is. Contrary to popular belief, crying does not make us weak. In fact, it makes us stronger and more resilient. We’re acknowledging our emotions and processing them in a healthy way, engaging in self-care and self-reflection. It helps us bounce back from difficult situations and face challenges right after with a clear mind. Embracing our emotions is the first step while crying helps us let them go and carry on. 

Personally, I’ve noticed that crying is especially looked down upon among men. We’re often unable to express our emotions openly. That creates a barrier between us and our loved ones for clear and effective communication. With romantic relationships, the avoidance of our emotions can often lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a lack of emotional connection.

If you’re a man, know that it’s okay to cry! If not, tell your boyfriend and all your other male friends that it’s okay to cry! We’re missing out on crucial opportunities for self-reflection and personal development. Understanding our emotions instead of neglecting them is a fundamental part of being human. When we don’t express our emotions, how can our partners ever understand what we need, desire, and are concerned with?

It’s crucial that we challenge society’s expectations of suppressing our emotions just because we’re men. It’s especially because we’re men that we need to understand ourselves and use crying as a healthy way to not just cope with, but process our emotions.

Let your tears flow.

So, the next time you want to cry, let it flow. Crying is a release valve for all those pent-up emotions and tension that you’ve kept inside. You can see those intangible emotions become something that you touch and feel. It validates your experience and most importantly, makes you feel better. 

You don't have to cry alone.

Misery loves company, so don't cry alone. Remember that time when you accidentally cried in front of someone? You weren’t able to hold it in and ended up bursting into tears. How did they respond? 9 times out of 10, you weren’t shamed for crying, but you were comforted. They understood the pain that you felt because they too, were once in that same position. Where you feel like everything around you is falling apart, asking yourself why you were the one who pulled the short end of the stick, and just, why, why is the world treating me like this?


Others have felt the same way.


You feel that way but truly, you’re not alone in this horrible world. Other people know this pain just as well as you do. They’ve gone through the motions of sobbing, going to the next day, sobbing again, and repeating this painful cycle over and over again until they’ve reached the state they are now. Due to the fact that they’ve gone through this already, they know that this pain will pass and they reassure you that things will be okay, as they always are. 

It’s okay to open up to others and share the feelings that you’ve kept pent up inside. In fact, we often never feel better if we don’t let these thoughts out. We keep them in for no good reason at all and keep cooking with the same burnt pot, refusing to wash it all clean before making our next meal. How much better is life when you’re starting a new day without all the baggage that was weighing you down yesterday? Take a minute to cry, and wash away the heaviness on your shoulders.


Time really does heal.


It’s a pretty cliche thing to say, but I truly do believe that time heals all. Time heals all because the emotional pain that we feel comes in waves. It’s just like low tide and high tide. Stronger once but weaker the next, our feelings about things work the same way too. These waves of emotion crash against you and sting so badly when it happens. But think about a similar situation that you went through maybe a month ago. That situation isn’t affecting the present day you as much as it affected you a month ago.

Now, think about one of those negative situations an entire year ago! That’s what I consider low tide.

You feel the pain when remembering that, but it’s now bearable. The grief hits you at just your feet, barely getting your toes wet. Comparing that to how you felt back then or how the current situation is treating you now, don’t you agree that time has worked its magic?

The impact of that situation on you is getting weaker and weaker as time passes. So just as temporary as it is, it gives you time to deal with the problem, hopefully in a weaker state.

The pain will pass. (Emo-equilibrium)

The essence of what I find to be within our emotions is something which I’ve coined the term; emo-equilibrium.

So, you don't need to cry alone.

Crying has always been beautiful.

How beautiful would it be to be crying with a view like this?

What makes you cry?

Most of the time, there's always a reason why we start crying. And more likely than not, it's something negative that's happened in our lives. Someone's passed away, you got rejected from a job after hundreds of job applications, or you're looking at all your friends in these happy relationships and wondering why you can't have the same.

We get sad after thinking about it all and start to cry. These things are happening. And we can cry. We cry and cry some more, thinking about the same sad occurrence over and over again. People tell you to stop crying, thinking it's a sign of weakness or maybe they're just sick of seeing us cry. Crying has always had this negative connotation, but it isn't the case at all.

Accepting Crying

Actually, I've started to look at crying as a sort of acceptance. Crying helps you remediate all the confusing feelings that are going through your head (and heart). I say heart because your brain can't make sense of everything. What you perceive might make you sad might be illogical, but there's still a reason why you're sad and want to cry. It's not that it's wrong to cry just because it's illogical, but gives you even more reason to cry because your brain can't make sense of it, but your heart can. 

Your heart is processing that pent-up emotion because your brain can't. It's turning those depressing and sad thoughts into something you can physically see. The pain you're feeling inside is so intangible that your body wants to make something to help your brain make sense of the crazy situation. Think of crying as this emotional trash can, helping your body discard these sad emotions. It might be the pile of scrunched-up tissues that you're now throwing away, or the wetness on your arm from using your arm to wipe away all the tears. Or maybe you're just in shock, with tears slowly rolling down your face. 

The thing is, that act of crying is beautiful. The same thing that was twisting yourself up is no longer inside you. And yes, you might argue that it's a temporary solution until you get sad about it again. But honestly, we can't deny that it makes us feel better at that one moment right?

We're free from those negative emotions for a beautiful five minutes and can think clearly and carry on with our lives. So why is crying so shunned? Why does everyone tell us “Don't cry, don't cry?”

I'm here to tell you that it’s okay to cry. It's not even just okay to cry, it's absolutely beautiful to be able to cry. Especially if you're someone who doesn't cry often, you probably have a lot of pent-up emotion that's been bottling up. Crying has always had this negative connotation but the more that you think about it, why is that? 

Don't you always sleep the best after a good cry? Don't you always feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders? We're shunned from crying in public and whenever we see someone doing that, we feel bad for them. We know that they're going through something difficult and taxing. We're watching them process their emotions in a way that the world has taught us to. 

So cry! Don't hold it in the next time you feel those tears start to well up; instead, let it flow. I want you to remember that it's completely normal. I promise that you’ll always feel better afterward.

I want to leave you with one last note! Just like the way that I'm telling you that it's okay to cry, remember to put a smile on! Even if you're sad, putting on that smile for yourself will convince you that things are going well. The more that you do it, the more that you'll believe it, and you'll soon be five minutes happier.

let's quickly make 5 minutes of your day happier.

Where I've been & how I got here

Imagine you've just graduated college, started a corporate job, and trying to figure out if this is really what you want to do with your life.

Well, that's actually me. My name's Jack, and thank you for taking the time to read this. 

Despite being on a straight and narrow path throughout my life, I always wondered what my future would be like. Middle school, high school, and college passed, but nothing really spoke to me until COVID hit, and I finally had time to sit down and think about it.

What did I want to do with my life?

The peak of COVID made me think about mental health, specifically about crying. Being stuck at home can often be suffocating for a lot of people, spending time with only family and no one else. (Not that I don't love my family, but you know what I mean.)

It's hard to get rid of that suffocating feeling, that stuffiness that seems to be perpetually stuck in your chest. It made me wonder - is it downright impossible? It then struck me, the one moment that you’re able to get rid of it. That one true moment of catharsis, in those 5 minutes right after you cry. You're lying limp in your bed, your pillows wet, a pile of tissues next to you, and the room is quiet. You've cried so much that your eyes are swollen, but somehow, it made you feel better. This is the feeling that I'm chasing, and the feeling that I believe everyone finds euphoric. 

“What if I could make a space where everyone can feel this? A space to cry, a space to scream, a space that can give you that utterly cathartic feeling?”

It's going to be a long journey, not just for me, but for all of us. I want everyone to be a little happier, even if it’s just for five minutes out of the day. If I'm able to do that for you, I've served my purpose. 

Life is a vicious cycle, and we all need a place where we can feel safe for a little while. I hope that I can make that safe space for you here, a space where you can cry.

a few calming pictures