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The Power of Crying: 4 Reasons Why You Should Cry

There's at least 4 reasons why you should cry! Crying is this thing that we’ve always been so scared to do, but in reality, crying is the thing that keeps us all going. It keeps us mentally sane, regulates our emotions, and releases all the pent-up frustration we’ve been keeping inside.

There’s no reason why we shouldn’t cry. Can you think of any? Each reason that I’ve ever come across to not cry is just a preconception that’s been drilled into our head, but it keeps us farther and farther away from feeling better. There are actually at least five great reasons why I think we should all cry, not to cry on demand, but just to allow the rivers to flow when we need to.


1. Crying is our main emotional regulator.

Our urge to cry is a natural response that our body is urging us to do. We’ve gone through something stressful and want to cry, so there’s no reason why we should hold it back. Crying helps us release endorphins, oxytocin, and especially stress hormones.

With endorphins, these are our body’s natural painkillers and mood lifters, helping us reduce physical and emotional pain, and inducing a sense of well-being and relaxation. This is the reason why we feel so much lighter after we cry! 

Oxytocin is the hormone that’s often referred to as the “love” or “bonding” hormone, promoting feelings of trust, empathy, and connection with others. The few people that we’re willing to cry in front of are usually the people that we’re the closest to and are comfortable being vulnerable in front of. Crying only makes this bond stronger. 

Best of all, crying reduces our stress. Our overall stress level goes down after we cry, as it’s the most cathartic feeling that you can experience whenever you’re stressed. Whenever you feel pent up and frustrated from life, think of crying as an emotional bathroom. It’s there for you to get rid of all the toxins within your body, just one cry at a time. 

2. Crying improves our relationships.

Engaging in regular crying can enhance our emotional intelligence. Each time we cry, we’re allowing ourselves to experience and express our emotions fully. We become more aware and understand ourselves better, which in turn, helps us understand other people better. We know how they feel when we see them cry, because we’ve gone through the same thing ourselves. It improves our communication, empathy, and even problem-solving skills. You can share your own experiences, encourage others to embrace those emotions and understand that it’s okay to cry. 

It’s not embarrassing to cry in front of someone! Okay, it might be a little embarrassing at first. But after a while, you realize that you’ve created a really close bond to someone who you’re okay with being vulnerable in front of! You have someone to validate your struggles, and you’re creating a supportive community that understands the value of crying and regulating your emotions. Break down those societal barriers and misconceptions about crying. It’s what makes us feel better. 

3. Crying keeps us healthy!

Other than just the emotions surrounding crying, it actually gives us great physical benefits too! Our tear ducts are producing tears that help cleanse and lubricate our eyes. There’s fake tear drops for a reason!

Not that we want you to cry all the time, but having some tears come out can get rid of dust and allergens, especially during this pollen season. The relief that we feel from crying gets rid of some of the pain that comes from the headaches that build up when we’re stressed as well! The endorphins released from crying are our body’s natural painkillers, getting rid of the pain that we feel from headaches and migraines. 

4. Crying is self-care.

It really is. Contrary to popular belief, crying does not make us weak. In fact, it makes us stronger and more resilient. We’re acknowledging our emotions and processing them in a healthy way, engaging in self-care and self-reflection. It helps us bounce back from difficult situations and face challenges right after with a clear mind. Embracing our emotions is the first step while crying helps us let them go and carry on. 

Personally, I’ve noticed that crying is especially looked down upon among men. We’re often unable to express our emotions openly. That creates a barrier between us and our loved ones for clear and effective communication. With romantic relationships, the avoidance of our emotions can often lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and a lack of emotional connection.

If you’re a man, know that it’s okay to cry! If not, tell your boyfriend and all your other male friends that it’s okay to cry! We’re missing out on crucial opportunities for self-reflection and personal development. Understanding our emotions instead of neglecting them is a fundamental part of being human. When we don’t express our emotions, how can our partners ever understand what we need, desire, and are concerned with?

It’s crucial that we challenge society’s expectations of suppressing our emotions just because we’re men. It’s especially because we’re men that we need to understand ourselves and use crying as a healthy way to not just cope with, but process our emotions.

Let your tears flow.

So, the next time you want to cry, let it flow. Crying is a release valve for all those pent-up emotions and tension that you’ve kept inside. You can see those intangible emotions become something that you touch and feel. It validates your experience and most importantly, makes you feel better. 

You don't have to cry alone.

Misery loves company, so don't cry alone. Remember that time when you accidentally cried in front of someone? You weren’t able to hold it in and ended up bursting into tears. How did they respond? 9 times out of 10, you weren’t shamed for crying, but you were comforted. They understood the pain that you felt because they too, were once in that same position. Where you feel like everything around you is falling apart, asking yourself why you were the one who pulled the short end of the stick, and just, why, why is the world treating me like this?


Others have felt the same way.


You feel that way but truly, you’re not alone in this horrible world. Other people know this pain just as well as you do. They’ve gone through the motions of sobbing, going to the next day, sobbing again, and repeating this painful cycle over and over again until they’ve reached the state they are now. Due to the fact that they’ve gone through this already, they know that this pain will pass and they reassure you that things will be okay, as they always are. 

It’s okay to open up to others and share the feelings that you’ve kept pent up inside. In fact, we often never feel better if we don’t let these thoughts out. We keep them in for no good reason at all and keep cooking with the same burnt pot, refusing to wash it all clean before making our next meal. How much better is life when you’re starting a new day without all the baggage that was weighing you down yesterday? Take a minute to cry, and wash away the heaviness on your shoulders.


Time really does heal.


It’s a pretty cliche thing to say, but I truly do believe that time heals all. Time heals all because the emotional pain that we feel comes in waves. It’s just like low tide and high tide. Stronger once but weaker the next, our feelings about things work the same way too. These waves of emotion crash against you and sting so badly when it happens. But think about a similar situation that you went through maybe a month ago. That situation isn’t affecting the present day you as much as it affected you a month ago.

Now, think about one of those negative situations an entire year ago! That’s what I consider low tide.

You feel the pain when remembering that, but it’s now bearable. The grief hits you at just your feet, barely getting your toes wet. Comparing that to how you felt back then or how the current situation is treating you now, don’t you agree that time has worked its magic?

The impact of that situation on you is getting weaker and weaker as time passes. So just as temporary as it is, it gives you time to deal with the problem, hopefully in a weaker state.

The pain will pass. (Emo-equilibrium)

The essence of what I find to be within our emotions is something which I’ve coined the term; emo-equilibrium.

So, you don't need to cry alone.

Crying has always been beautiful.

How beautiful would it be to be crying with a view like this?

What makes you cry?

Most of the time, there's always a reason why we start crying. And more likely than not, it's something negative that's happened in our lives. Someone's passed away, you got rejected from a job after hundreds of job applications, or you're looking at all your friends in these happy relationships and wondering why you can't have the same.

We get sad after thinking about it all and start to cry. These things are happening. And we can cry. We cry and cry some more, thinking about the same sad occurrence over and over again. People tell you to stop crying, thinking it's a sign of weakness or maybe they're just sick of seeing us cry. Crying has always had this negative connotation, but it isn't the case at all.

Accepting Crying

Actually, I've started to look at crying as a sort of acceptance. Crying helps you remediate all the confusing feelings that are going through your head (and heart). I say heart because your brain can't make sense of everything. What you perceive might make you sad might be illogical, but there's still a reason why you're sad and want to cry. It's not that it's wrong to cry just because it's illogical, but gives you even more reason to cry because your brain can't make sense of it, but your heart can. 

Your heart is processing that pent-up emotion because your brain can't. It's turning those depressing and sad thoughts into something you can physically see. The pain you're feeling inside is so intangible that your body wants to make something to help your brain make sense of the crazy situation. Think of crying as this emotional trash can, helping your body discard these sad emotions. It might be the pile of scrunched-up tissues that you're now throwing away, or the wetness on your arm from using your arm to wipe away all the tears. Or maybe you're just in shock, with tears slowly rolling down your face. 

The thing is, that act of crying is beautiful. The same thing that was twisting yourself up is no longer inside you. And yes, you might argue that it's a temporary solution until you get sad about it again. But honestly, we can't deny that it makes us feel better at that one moment right?

We're free from those negative emotions for a beautiful five minutes and can think clearly and carry on with our lives. So why is crying so shunned? Why does everyone tell us “Don't cry, don't cry?”

I'm here to tell you that it’s okay to cry. It's not even just okay to cry, it's absolutely beautiful to be able to cry. Especially if you're someone who doesn't cry often, you probably have a lot of pent-up emotion that's been bottling up. Crying has always had this negative connotation but the more that you think about it, why is that? 

Don't you always sleep the best after a good cry? Don't you always feel like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders? We're shunned from crying in public and whenever we see someone doing that, we feel bad for them. We know that they're going through something difficult and taxing. We're watching them process their emotions in a way that the world has taught us to. 

So cry! Don't hold it in the next time you feel those tears start to well up; instead, let it flow. I want you to remember that it's completely normal. I promise that you’ll always feel better afterward.

I want to leave you with one last note! Just like the way that I'm telling you that it's okay to cry, remember to put a smile on! Even if you're sad, putting on that smile for yourself will convince you that things are going well. The more that you do it, the more that you'll believe it, and you'll soon be five minutes happier.

let's quickly make 5 minutes of your day happier.

Where I've been & how I got here

Imagine you've just graduated college, started a corporate job, and trying to figure out if this is really what you want to do with your life.

Well, that's actually me. My name's Jack, and thank you for taking the time to read this. 

Despite being on a straight and narrow path throughout my life, I always wondered what my future would be like. Middle school, high school, and college passed, but nothing really spoke to me until COVID hit, and I finally had time to sit down and think about it.

What did I want to do with my life?

The peak of COVID made me think about mental health, specifically about crying. Being stuck at home can often be suffocating for a lot of people, spending time with only family and no one else. (Not that I don't love my family, but you know what I mean.)

It's hard to get rid of that suffocating feeling, that stuffiness that seems to be perpetually stuck in your chest. It made me wonder - is it downright impossible? It then struck me, the one moment that you’re able to get rid of it. That one true moment of catharsis, in those 5 minutes right after you cry. You're lying limp in your bed, your pillows wet, a pile of tissues next to you, and the room is quiet. You've cried so much that your eyes are swollen, but somehow, it made you feel better. This is the feeling that I'm chasing, and the feeling that I believe everyone finds euphoric. 

“What if I could make a space where everyone can feel this? A space to cry, a space to scream, a space that can give you that utterly cathartic feeling?”

It's going to be a long journey, not just for me, but for all of us. I want everyone to be a little happier, even if it’s just for five minutes out of the day. If I'm able to do that for you, I've served my purpose. 

Life is a vicious cycle, and we all need a place where we can feel safe for a little while. I hope that I can make that safe space for you here, a space where you can cry.

a few calming pictures

Handling Midlife Crisis

Midlife crisis is real. You just graduated last year and started working, and now you realize you’re not enjoying your job. How much longer do you think you can last here? Is this even the right field for you?

These are some thoughts that I’ve recently started having and it seems like many people around me share the same thoughts. We’ve just seen a harsh round of layoffs, followed by some of the closest coworkers leaving to go elsewhere. I wonder how many of you out there are going through the same thing. I’ve been doing a bit of research on what this feeling is called. You’ve probably heard of it before, and it’s called the quarter-life crisis. 

The Post-College Midlife Crisis: Did I pick the wrong major?

You know that feeling when you've spent five years studying something, and now that you're doing it, something just feels... off? That's where I am with architecture right now. Don't get me wrong – I love design and it’s helped me craft a design-oriented mindset. But sitting at my desk, staring at Revit/Rhino all day, I can't help but wonder: how long can I last here until I burn out?

In architecture school, you’re playing around with designs without considering how everything’s actually built. Now, we have to figure out every single corner, detail, material, and everything else in the world that you could ever think of. It doesn’t stop there.

The best part is that the fun and glamorous design work is maybe not even 20% of the job. The majority of our day is filled with constant coordination meetings with consultants, revising the same drawing you’ve been looking at for ages, and appeasing all the little nuances in corporate culture. Looking around me, I start to wonder why everyone is here. Why do people work here? Are we all just trapped in this endless rat race? I’m sure that this isn’t just for architecture. How much of our life do we have to throw away at these jobs? When is it time for us to start looking elsewhere?

Starting a Business: The Side Hustle Struggle

    So here I am, building something of my own on the side. It’s this website and community that I want to build for people like us, people who are pent up with frustration and no outlet. It's exciting and terrifying all at once. Every evening after work, while my friends are out having drinks to ease the pain of work, I’m working on this. The drive to get out of this rat race is what keeps me going. From my 5-9 after work to the hours that I spend commuting to and from work, I’m always studying marketing, business plans, and other ways to make money so that I can do something that feels more fulfilling.

    Along with the hope that maybe this will take off one day, there’s always this little voice in my head asking if I'm crazy for trying this. Am I throwing away a stable career? How many months of my savings will I be throwing away if this doesn’t work? If this doesn’t work out, I’ll have to go back to slowly climbing this corporate ladder that I’m trying so hard to get away from. There are so many questions that taking a path like this brings up, not even taking into account the judgment of everyone around me. 

    Finding Free Time: The Mythical Work-Life Balance

      In college, there was nothing I wanted more than to graduate and start working. That was the dream back then. Keeping a consistent 9-5, making money, and having fun on the weekends. These days, my calendar looks like a game of Tetris gone wrong. Between my 9-5 architecture job, building the business, trying to maintain some semblance of social life, and occasionally remembering to exercise, free time is a foreign concept to me.

      I’ve become disconnected from the people who I used to laugh and play games with every night. I've cried more than once over the guilt of going out to hang out when I feel that time could have been used more productively by working towards financial freedom. The guilt of constantly telling friends "I can't make it" weighs heavy. And some nights, when I finally crawl into bed at 1 AM after working on the business, I wonder if I'm missing out on my youth.

      The Breaking Point (And Why It's Okay)

      There’s only so much that we can handle until we realize that we’ve burnt out. We need to quit. But we can’t quit. We need a source of income and for those who are here under work visas, we’ll be forced to leave the country if we’re unemployed after a certain amount of time. We’re all so trapped. What can we even do? Eventually, the feeling will come where you can’t handle it anymore. You feel like punching a wall, crying into your pillow, and screaming at the top of your lungs. 

      That’s okay. And that’s what I did too. 

      It feels good. Not much feels better than a good cry. You sleep better and feel refreshed, and for just a few moments, all those worries are off of your shoulders. It's part of handling a midlife crisis.

      Moving Forward

      I don't have all the answers yet. Some days I still feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark. But I'm starting to realize that maybe that's the point. What I'm learning (and what I want you to know) is that it's okay to feel lost in your mid-twenties. 

      It's okay to question your career choice. It's okay to cry about Excel spreadsheets at midnight. And it's okay to not have it all figured out. To everyone out there feeling lost in your quarter-life crisis: I see you. I feel you. And yes, I'm crying with you. But we're going to figure this out, one day at a time, one breakdown at a time, one small victory at a time.

      We're all just trying our best to navigate this mess together.

      When Situationships Break Your Heart (Again)

      Part 1: The Dating App Dance

      Situationships are real. Last night, Jimmy called me (name changed of course, for privacy). It was the kind of call where I already knew something was up, but he finally mustered the courage to talk to me about it.

      We set up a time to chat about it outside instead of just over a phone call. Within a few hours, we met up at a dessert shop and the look on his face was all that I needed to see. It was a girl problem.

      He recently met this girl off an app, just as everyone does these days. It’s hard to find a genuine connection and when everyone’s so chronically online, it’s hard to resist the urge to give it a shot. They had been talking for two weeks and the descriptions of the date that they went on sounded like a classic case of what human interaction had now turned into. 

      Situationships have taken over the dating scene around my age range. The modern dating scene is a carousel of profile pictures and clever prompts, where their profile is so carefully curated that it’s hard to see their true personality at all. Soon after, the tears and harsh reality that come from dating apps surfaces.

      We swipe, we match, and we feel like we’ve been able to talk to someone who we can really match with. However, people are scared of being alone and people are afraid of giving it their all. How many of these people you match with are genuinely emotionally available to you? How many of them actually care about who you are as a person and ask questions about you? Worst of all, do they genuinely want to talk to you because it’s you or they just want someone that they can treat like an AI chatbot?

      Part 2: The Situationship Spiral

      The thing about situationships is that they're like quicksand – by the time you realize you're in one, you're already sinking. Jimmy and this other girl (let’s call her Tiffany) had met up for two dates. At first, they met up and she got him a drink. I was like wow, that’s really kind of her! Without missing a beat, the rest of the date immediately went south.

      She didn’t ask any questions about him, was shying away from all sort of talk about their past relationship, and all hopes of this turning out to be something that mattered to both of them went out the window. As soon as the date was over, she started bombarding him with random texts about her day again. All of this was just her wanting to talk to someone. She just wanted an AI chatbot who cared about her without any reciprocation.

      In Jimmy’s shoes, he had devoted much of his time and effort to trying to make this work. However, after talking to everyone around him regarding his interactions with this girl, we all knew it wouldn’t work out. You have to cut it off and start talking to someone new.

      And here's where the tears really start flowing – in those late-night moments when you're staring at your phone, analyzing their latest text, wondering if you're crazy for wanting more. These tears are heavy with uncertainty. They fall on your pillow at 2 AM while you scroll through their Instagram, looking for clues about where you stand.

      The hardest part is this. How do you start talking to someone new again and giving it your all if you don’t know it will work out? We start holding back from doing all the kinds of things that we’re capable of doing. Are we now setting ourselves up for failure?

      The worst part? This isn't Sarah's first time here. It's not even her second. Maybe that’s why she’s acting this way. It's becoming a pattern in New York – this dance of almost-intimacy that ends in ghosting or the dreaded "I'm not ready for anything serious" text.

      Part 3: The Healing and (Inevitable) Repeat

      The breakup tears from a situationship hit different. They make you question everything – was it even real enough to cry over? (Yes, it was.) Jimmy's going through the stages now:

      • The immediate breakdown (ugly crying on the bathroom floor)
      • The angry tears (while deleting their texts)
      • The nostalgic tears (passing by that bubble tea shop)
      • The "I'm fine" tears (when friends ask how you're doing)
      • The healing tears (finally accepting it wasn't what you needed)

      But here's the cruel joke of dating in New York – just when those tears dry, just when you think you're done with the apps... someone new comes along. The cycle starts again. Another profile catches your eye. Another person seems different. Another chance to hope.

      And you know what? Maybe that's okay.

      How I see it is this. Dating apps aren’t for everyone. But, there are people that it can work for. You can 100% of your effort into talking to someone even if they walk away. This way, they can walk away but you won’t feel bad for not putting in all your effort if they were truly the one you could imagine dating for a long time. You also don’t have any control over if they walk away or not. That’s their decision to make and for you to accept. On the other hand, you’ll realize your own true value as well. You are capable of loving and being loved.

      A Note of Understanding

      To anyone reading this with fresh tears on their face, I get it. Whether you're:

      Your tears are valid. Every single one.

      Remember, in this city of millions, so many of us are crying these same tears. In high-rise apartments, on subway platforms, in bathroom stalls at work – we're all part of this messy, beautiful, heartbreaking dance.

      Until next time, let those tears fall. They're making space for something real, even if it takes a few more tries to find it.

      P.S. I’m not a therapist! Just someone sharing their thoughts online, in hopes that it’ll reach and help some of you out there. I love getting messages from you all and it genuinely makes my day!

      Crying Together: Your Tears Make Me Cry Too

      Think about the last time that you were crying together with someone. It’s that beautiful moment when you're crying, and your friend starts tearing up too. 

      Something might have happened. Your friend just broke up from a long relationship and you went over to console them. It might even be the other way around. Either way, one of you started telling the story about how everything happened. At one point, you notice that they’re starting to cry and break down from the emotions that start to over take them. “Don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry too.”

      Why is that?

      Sharing Your Tears

      The last time I listened to a close friend talk about their struggles, we both ended up crying. It wasn’t long, but it felt like we both felt better for some reason. A little afterwards, I decided to share a bit of what was on my mind too. Before I knew it, I looked up and saw tears streaming down her face too. There was something so incredibly comforting about not crying alone.

      Here's the beautiful thing – we're literally wired for this connection. Scientists call it "emotional contagion," which in short, is the same as our hearts being tuned to the same frequency. When someone we care about cries, our bodies respond with empathy in the most physical way possible – through our own tears. It’s similar to mirroring but on a more emotional level.

      The Safety of Shared Vulnerability

      You don’t have to cry alone. Once you realize that, your relationships with others seem to get so much closer. It might be because you’re both suffering from the same things, or just the fact that misery loves company. Here are a few of the reasons why I think crying together is great.

      • There's no need to explain yourself.
        • You simply just cry. The other person listening to your story is most likely someone who you already feel comfortable confiding in. They’re not a complete stranger and even better, they probably all the backstory already. They’re familiar with your characteristics and occasionally, you don’t even need to talk to understand each other. When they fill all of these boxes, I can’t imagine anyone better to confide in.
      • No one's trying to fix anything.
        • You’re hearing each other out. You’re not proposing a solution (which I honestly tend to do sometimes, I know, it’s a bad habit) but you’re there to remind them that they’re not alone.
      • The silence is perfectly okay.
        • After you start crying, that’s just in. The silence settles in, but it’s a comfortable silence. You’ve already shared the issues that you’re dealing with and purged your body of the heaviness that was overtaking you. Let time do the rest.
      • Your tears validate each other's feelings.
        • It’s just that simple. Your story has invoked their feelings as well. They’re not screaming at you or blaming you for the situation that happened, but they understand and their body is showing that. Your feelings are valid.

      Creating a Safe Crying Space

      If you're thinking about sharing your tears with a friend, here's what I've learned works best:

      1. Find a cozy, private space.
      2. Turn off your phones.
      3. Maybe bring some tissues (okay, definitely bring tissues!)
      4. Let go of any timeline.
      5. Remember there's no "right way" to do this. 

      Of course, you probably won’t be able to set the scene for it, as if you’re completely prepared to cry. However, it’s good to keep these things in mind

      Beyond the Tears

      Something incredible happens after you cry with someone:

      • Your friendship deepens.
      • Trust grows stronger.
      • You feel lighter together.
      • There's this beautiful unspoken understanding.
      • Future vulnerability becomes easier.

      When we cry together, our bodies release oxytocin – the same hormone that helps mothers bond with their babies. It's like nature's way of saying, "Yes, this is exactly what you're supposed to do!" Our shared tears literally bring us closer together.

      A Few Gentle Reminders

      Dear friend, if you're thinking of sharing your tears with someone:

      • You're not "bringing them down." You’re friends for a reason.
      • You're not "too emotional.” We’re emotional creatures.
      • You're creating space for authentic connection.
      • You're allowing them to be real too.
      • You're strengthening your bond in the most honest way.

      The Aftermath of Shared Tears

      There's this beautiful moment after crying together – you might find yourselves laughing about your mascara-stained cheeks, or sharing that look that says "wow, that was intense." These moments are pure gold. They're the foundation of relationships that last a lifetime.

      Sometimes, the most powerful thing about crying together is that you don't need to say anything at all. Just being there, sharing in each other's emotions, is enough. It's like your tears are having a conversation all their own.

      Next time you feel tears coming on, and you're with someone you trust, try not to hold back. You might just find that your vulnerability creates a space for them to be vulnerable too. And in that shared space of tears and trust, something beautiful happens – you both remember that you're not alone.

      Remember, when someone cries with you, they're giving you one of the most precious gifts possible – their raw, unfiltered humanity. And when you cry with them, you're doing the same.

      P.S. If you're reading this with tears in your eyes, know that somewhere out there, I'm probably tearing up too. That's just how connected we all are.

      Generational Trauma: Our Turn

      Generational trauma is an experience that almost all of us have gone through, in one way or another. I've been sitting here, thinking about how to share this with you. It’s a little different for each of us, but it consistently instills this depression or negative mentality in every single one of us.

      It’s not even like they want to. They often don’t realize the negative aspects of it, raising us the same way that they were raised. For instance, growing up with abusive parents might affect your own personal relationships with people. It makes it harder for us to trust others or even carry on those traits into your own life. It’s a vicious cycle that doesn’t end until we make an active change to.

      After reading "Crying in H Mart" by Michelle Zauner, I've been reflecting deeply on the way trauma flows through our family lines like an invisible river, and how our tears can help us navigate these waters. Reading Zauner's memoir reminded me how our bodies carry not just our own pain, but also the unspoken hurts of those who came before us.

      Echoes from H Mart: Understanding Generational Trauma

      As much as I’d love to pretend like I understand generational trauma, I truly don’t. However, what I can do is highlight the different pain points that we’ve experienced. I truly believe that even if we aren’t able to solve things right away, talking about what we’ve gone through and finding a community that relates is the first step to shifting our perspective in the right direction.

      • The unspoken expectations enforced upon us.

        I’m sure that you’ve heard all of these before, whether it happened to you or just the stereotype. I find that they don’t focus on our strengths because they might think that we think we’ve done enough and might want to give up. What they do focus on is trying to make us strive for more.
        • “Didn’t you study a lot? Why didn’t you do better?”
        • “Look at how good your cousin is.” 
        • And of course, “You should be a doctor or lawyer.”
      • The complex dance of love and duty that often leaves us breathless.

        A lot of the tough love they give us is usually in good faith, to keep us away from the bad paths and difficulties that they went through. For me, neither of my parents went to college. I’m a first-generation college student, as are many of us, and this comes from their experience that many people around them could not make a decent living without a college degree. That high bar runs us dry. The sleepless nights and high levels of stress are something a child should not have to go through at such a young age, even if it comes from good intentions.

      • The way food becomes a language when words fail us.

        I find that many parents are allergic to verbally apologizing. I’m not sure what it is. However, there’s always a few times where they either realize that they were wrong or that they went too far.

        When this happens, it turns into a bowl of fruit. It’s a soft knock on the door, followed by a bowl of peeled oranges on your table. To this day, I still don’t understand it. However, they’re making an effort to mend the situation. Let’s prevent things from ever getting to that point.

      • The silent sacrifices our parents made.

        I recently saw an article in which Jeremy Lin’s parents took money out of their 401k to make ends meet when he was chasing his NBA dream. I was stunned. Take a minute to think about the sacrifices that our parents made for us. Often times, they give up their own hopes and dreams to help us achieve our own. Even to this day, I’m still finding out about the sacrifices that my mom has made for me.

      Your Body Knows the Truth

      As we realize all the different ways that generational trauma has affected us, your heart might be feeling a lot heavier. That tension in your shoulders? Those unexplained anxiety spikes? Your body might be telling a story that started long before you. According to research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, trauma can actually alter how our genes express themselves, affecting how we respond to stress across generations.

      Why Your Tears Matter More Than You Know

      When you let yourself cry, something remarkable happens:

      1. Your body releases stress hormones through your tears
      2. Your nervous system gets a chance to reset
      3. You're literally releasing genetic trauma responses
      4. You're breaking patterns of emotional suppression

      Studies have shown that emotional tears contain higher levels of stress hormones than regular tears. It's like your body knows exactly how to cleanse itself of pain - even the kind that's been passed down through generations.

      The Permission to Feel and Heal

      Here's what I want you to know, dear friend: when you cry, you're not just healing yourself. You're doing the work that maybe your parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents couldn't do. You're breaking chains that have been wrapped around your family tree for generations.

      A Gentle Practice for Release

      Find a quiet space where you feel safe. Maybe it's in your car, like me, or maybe it's in your shower where tears mix with water. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Breathe deeply and say:

      "I honor the pain that flows through my bloodline. I give myself permission to release what isn't mine to carry. With each tear, I heal not just myself, but my past and future."

      Recent studies in epigenetics suggest that when we process trauma through emotional release (like crying), we can actually influence how our genes express themselves. This means your tears aren't just healing you - they're potentially healing your future children too.

      Remember, dearest friend, your tears are acts of revolution against generations of suppressed emotion. They are powerful beyond measure. They are healing beyond time.

      Let them fall. Let them heal. Let them break the chains.

      Note: While emotional release through crying is healing, generational trauma can be complex. If you're struggling, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional who understands cultural and generational trauma. You don't have to walk this path alone.

      Layoffs are scary.

      I haven’t written an article from the heart like this in a while, but I believe that many of you may be experiencing the same thing. My content has been very science-forward to help us understand why we cry, but a break from that is nice from time to time.

      Recently, it’s been the time of the year when layoffs start to happen. I’m a recent graduate and it’s been roughly a year since I’ve been employed full-time. From the time that I’ve been interning until now, I’ve seen two rough layoffs, but nothing as rough as the one that’s currently happening. The first layoff didn’t mentally affect me too much, but this one was far worse. This may be due to the closer relationships that I’ve built with the people around me, but also the reality that this layoff could really affect me as well.

      I always thought layoffs were this thing where you just get fired and that’s it. However, it was a lot more than that. It’s the atmosphere that lingers in the office when you realize that HR is going around, it’s the atmosphere where you have to keep working while knowing that, and the dreadful feeling that this same thing may happen to you.

      Realization

      When we first heard of these layoffs, everyone was scared, but it didn’t hit me yet. It only slapped me in the face when on Friday morning, I saw one of my close coworkers walk out. I didn’t realize what was happening and thought he was just taking a bathroom break until I received a message.

      He had been let go.

      We enjoyed lunch together just yesterday. We were saying that layoffs might be happening, but we never thought that it would hit our team. And just yesterday, we were laughing and joking together.

      He was gone now. Damn.

      None of us saw it coming. All of us started tensing up and worrying that we were next. Will our project be okay? He was great, why did he get laid off? There were so many questions running through my head, and I didn’t have an answer to any of them.

      Everyone stared straight ahead at their screen, afraid to turn their heads as if HR was going around playing duck duck goose. Is this how the corporate life is? You get sent to a room, sign some paperwork, and then you’re out in the harsh job market again, sending out endless emails until one finally replies and it says that another candidate has been selected.

      What if I get laid off?

      It’s a harsh world. Is that what I’m going to have to experience next? Will I be okay? Say that I do get laid off, what are my next steps? Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. I needed some time off from work as I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with the timeline that was thrown at me. 

      However, most of us just resort to applying for another job immediately because we have no other choice. We have bills to pay. Not before long, the hopeless job search turns into a 9-5 that we have to face week and week again.

      We work from Monday to Friday, often overtime, and get two days off on the weekend. We repeat this cycle until we’re 65 and no one ever questions this.

      We work until we’re 65. That’s insane. We spend all our lives making money with only two weeks off every year to take a vacation, and that’s just 2% of the entire year. We work the other 98% and we accept that, chasing the goal that we can just relax when we finally hit retirement. How come no one has questioned this?

      This isn’t how I want to live my life. Right at that moment of realization, I felt like breaking down. Is this how everyone lives their life? Maybe it was better to just be a student, living under our parent's roof and not worrying about anything but getting a passing grade.

      What if I don’t get laid off?

      Sorry, but there isn’t a happy ending to this story.

      If we narrowly dodge this harsh layoff, we’re just subject to the 9-5 that we’ve been living. We get to skip the part where we look for a job again, but something just as bad hits us. 

      We have to work without the people who we’ve gotten so close to. I’ve built a few close relationships at work, and frighteningly, two of them were hit by these layoffs. We lose the friends that we get lunch with, gossip with, and worse of all, the sense of community that we were going through the same hell hole together. Misery loves company, but our company is now gone.

      Instead of the solace that comes with sharing your pain with someone else, there’s now a dark cloud looming over our heads. Layoffs are real. We now work with this frightening reality that brings the morale of the whole office down. Even walking around, everyone’s scared to check their phone to get a message telling them to pack their bags and leave.

      It gets worse. The workload that seemed impossible has just gotten even more impossible. You now have to do their portion as well. How? Are we going to spend even more time working overtime at the expense of our health so that we can make someone else’s project a reality?

      Acceptance

      As time passed, I realized a few things. 

      My mind was absolutely destroyed at first, but as time passed, I started to be able to look at things again. Even if I get laid off, it’s completely okay! I have savings that I can live off of for the time being, as well as the luck of being able to live under my parent’s roof. I have a passion project that I’ve been working on (this blog!) and it’s been providing me a lot of joy!

      Even if no one reads this, I’m happy to keep track of what I was going through on this day back in October of 2024. Also, there are so many things we live for instead. Work is just a means to help us achieve the things that make us happy when money is involved. 

      Second, that result is not within my control.

      What use is stressing over things that are not within my control? I’ve been working as hard as I could. If that leads to me getting laid off, there’s simply nothing I can do about it. It doesn’t mean that I was a bad employee, but oftentimes, the economy just isn’t great. I’ve seen so many amazing people who are far more skilled than me get laid off from neither performance or nor personality, but purely because we didn’t have a project to put them on. 

      What I can control is my attitude towards the situation at hand. If it happens, it happens. Thankfully, it’s not the end of the world. Things may get tougher for now, and that’s just me getting more life experience.

      Lastly, I’ve gotten closer to the people around me.

      Reaching out and checking in on the people who were affected by these unfortunate circumstances has actually resulted in some of the deepest conversations that I’ve had ever since joining the firm. People check in on you also to make sure that you’re okay, and I’m eternally grateful for the mentors who have reached out to me for that. After a little while, it feels like the people who are left are clinging to each other even closer than before. We survived a disaster together. 

      There are upsides to this unfortunate circumstance!

      Life is Simple.


      There’s a saying that I always repeat to myself when I start to feel overwhelmed.

      “Life is simple. We just need to eat, sleep, and wake up the next morning. Everything else is just a bonus.”

      When I think about this saying, I get to snap myself back to reality. The Protestant work ethic of constantly working for more and more with no end point traps us into this toxic capitalist mindset that truly doesn’t do us any good. Instead, it’s better to realize all the amazing things that we can be grateful for.

      I’ve been getting a lot of back pain recently, and part of it is due to the setup that I have at work. I’ve adapted to a routine of doing yoga every morning and whenever I’m able to wake up and get out of bed without that pain, I’ve become so happy and grateful for being able to start my morning with ease. 

      So if you’ve also been affected by layoffs recently, there’s a nice little exercise that I’d like you to do! It’s a really effective one. Using just your facial muscles, raise your left cheek up to your left eye as close as possible, and then raise your right cheek up to your right eye.

      You’re smiling! Be grateful for the little things in life. I know that sounds cliche, but it really puts things into perspective. Life is simple. Carry on and focus on the things that you can control and make you happy. Don’t let one small incident ruin your day, your week, or even your year.

      Don't be sad alone, cry with a friend.

      Maybe you need to cry with a friend.
      “Why would you want someone to see you cry instead of just crying alone?”

      I always wondered about why we cry alone. Is it better to cry alone, or do we feel better when we cry in front of someone? There are only a few times I can think of where I was crying in front of someone, and having them there made me feel better than if I were alone.
      I know this sounds crazy, and it has always sounded crazy.

      Whenever I brought up this idea to different people, many of them couldn’t relate. It always feels like you need to hide those tears cause it’s embarrassing to expose yourself during one of your most vulnerable moments. Recently, I explained the idea of my thesis (on creating a space to cry) to my best friend. I had mentioned it before but hearing his reaction again, I was still taken aback. “Hearing other people cry would send shivers down my spine.”

      I understood though. Sometimes it feels like you need to hide those tears, to keep them all to yourself. But let me tell you, there's something incredibly powerful about sharing your vulnerable moments with others. Let’s try to understand why crying with company might just be the emotional release you need.

      Don't be sad alone, Cry with a Friend

      There's something special about crying with your best friend. It takes a while to get to that point. They might be a friend who you haven’t shared your deepest moments with because you’ve been scared to open up to them, or maybe you’ve already had that time with them. In the end, I guarantee you’ll feel better and they’ll be honored to have seen you at both your best and your worst. Sharing tears with them can be incredibly cathartic.

      Here's why:

      • Validation:

        When you cry with a close friend, they validate your feelings. Their presence says, "I see you, and your emotions are valid." I’ve caught myself doubting myself and my emotions a million times, but having someone to reassure you that you’re not crazy speaks volumes.
      • Comfort:

        A friend can offer a shoulder to cry on, literally. Physical comfort through a hug or simply sitting close can be incredibly soothing. Think about if you were on the other end. Would you rather have someone you care about suffer alone or be there for them, and make sure that they’re okay?
      • Understanding:

        Likely, you’ve already told them a lot of different things, so you don't have to explain everything. Maybe you’re even in that stage where you give each other the look when something happens and there’s no need for more explanation. They get it, and that understanding is priceless.

      Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that social support during times of stress can significantly reduce negative emotions. So next time you feel those tears coming, you don’t need to hide anymore. Maybe, go somewhere quiet and comfortable, and give them a call. Tell them the full story. They’ll tell you that it’s all okay. And soon after, you’ll feel better again. Much better than if you had to cry alone.

      The Magic of Three: Small Group Support

      Now, what if you weren’t just crying in front of one other person?

      This seems even crazier, but what if you were sitting with two other friends and you all ended up crying? You could have been sharing something that you could all actually relate to! There’s tons of occurrences in this world, and sometimes, we share a lot of the same traumas. Growing up as an immigrant, it’s almost a universal feeling that your parents want the best for you. In turn, that puts a crazy amount of stress over your head. That’s a feeling that we all share!

      That’s why sharing your feelings in a group might make you feel better.

      • Diverse Perspectives:

        Different friends might offer various viewpoints on your situation, helping you see things in a new light. Perhaps they had a slightly different situation. You might have wished that you did something different at a certain moment, and they already previously took that path. Hearing from them might help you realize what would have happened if you did, putting those restless thoughts to ease.
      • Shared Experiences:

        You might find that others have gone through similar struggles, making you feel less alone. Have you ever talked to your friends about how you got beat as a kid? Maybe it was a slipper, a coat hanger, or a belt, but I’m sure the list goes on and on. I know that I’ve shared this story a million times.
      • Collective Strength:

        There's strength in numbers. Crying together can make you feel part of a supportive tribe. Instead of having just one person reassure you in a time where you feel down, it never hurts to have another arm around your shoulder.

      If you’ve been feeling down in the dumps recently, maybe it's time to organize that small group catch-up you've been putting off.

      Larger Groups: The Healing Power of Community

      Now, crying in a larger group might sound intimidating, but hear me out. Whether it's a support group, a church gathering, or even a concert crowd during an emotional song, there's something profoundly moving about shedding tears with many others:

      • Anonymity with Connection:

        Say that you’re sitting in a church. There’s rows of people around you, and you vaguely know most of the people there. The pastor just told a really sad story about how someone close to all of us had passed. You hear a sniffle here and there, but you don’t really know who it is. Not before long, you’ve started sniffling too.

        In a larger group, you might feel more comfortable crying because you're not the sole focus, yet you're still connected to others. You’re all sharing the same emotions, showing that you’re not the only one suffering from this event.
      • Collective Catharsis: There's a ripple effect in group emotions. One person's vulnerability can open the floodgates for others, leading to a shared emotional release. “Don’t cry, I’m going to cry if you cry.” We hear this saying a lot, and it’s this natural reaction that our body gives us. So cry! Accept your feelings for what they are.
      • Sense of Belonging:
        Crying with a community reminds you that you're part of something bigger than yourself.
        Just like with the example in the church, you need to feel like you’re a part of something bigger. We have communities, clubs in school, and even that friend group that we always end up talking to. Humans are social creatures. Embrace that.

      Professional Support: Crying with a Therapist

      Every so-called ‘enlightened’ person preaches therapy and says that we should go to therapy. It’s all over social media with apps like Betterhelp, but I’ve always been skeptical. Do I really want to fork over all that money to talk to someone? Maybe I do, and there’s probably a good reason for that.

      They’re a professional. They’re used to and they’ve seen a million of these situations. Some of them might not be the right therapist for you, but it’s not like every doctor is the right doctor for you either, right? Despite all that, they’ve been trained to deal with situations like these. A lot of people actually do cry during therapy, and it’s often incredibly beneficial. 

      • Safe Space:

        Therapists provide a judgment-free zone where you can express your emotions freely. They’re not someone who’s caught up in the drama of the reason why you feel sad, but someone completely detached from the story. It’s safe to talk to them about this. They won’t judge you, but they’re always there to listen to you.
      • Guided Processing:

        A therapist can help you understand and work through the emotions behind your tears. They can give you objective feedback but listen and respond to your emotional needs at the same time.
      • Skill Building:

        You can learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with intense emotions in the future. Instead of breaking down or lashing out at that time, I’ve seen people come out of therapy with different skills to regulate their emotions. Maybe they simply had to count to 10 before doing anything else. Most of the time, those ten seconds are all we need to stop ourselves from doing something we’d regret. 

      Even The American Psychological Association notes that emotional expression, including crying, is often a crucial part of the therapeutic process. That’s even more reason to cry during therapy!

      Virtual Connections: Crying in the Digital Age

      In our increasingly connected world, you don't even have to be in the same room to cry together:

      • Video Calls:

        Seeing a loved one's face, even on a screen, can provide comfort when you're upset. That one friend might be across the planet and you can’t meet them physically, but you can see them right now. Just FaceTime them! We live in an age where we don’t have to hang out in person to update our friends about what’s going on, but it’s possible at the click of a buton.
      • Online Support Groups:

        These can offer a safe space to share your feelings with others who understand. Even here! I’ve recently started a Reddit, and I’m hoping that we can build a safe community. Maybe you need relationship advice, or just someone to talk to and respond to how you feel. It’s completely anonymous too! That one message from a stranger might be all you need to feel better.

      Crying is Normal

      Remember, crying is a natural, healthy part of being human. And while sometimes you might need that solo cry session, don't forget that sharing your tears with others can be incredibly healing. Whether it's with one trusted friend, a small group, a larger community, a professional, or even through a screen, you have options.

      You don't have to cry alone. Your tears are valid, your feelings matter, and there are people out there who want to support you. So next time you feel those tears coming, consider reaching out. You might just find that crying together brings a special kind of healing that crying alone can't match.

      And hey, if reading this made you a bit teary-eyed, that's okay too. We're in this together, even if it's just through these words on a screen. Keep feeling, keep connecting, and remember - you're never truly alone in your emotions.

      A Rainy Day - The Best Time to Cry

      Isn’t there something relaxing and comforting about crying on a rainy day?

      Pit-pat pit-pat. You’re curled up on the couch in your living room or next to the window by your desk, watching the raindrops race down the glass. It’s nice. The longer you stare at these little raindrops, your mind wanders. Don’t they resemble tears? 

      The Symphony of Rain and Tears

      If you start to imagine and let your mind daydream, where are these raindrops coming from? Raindrops are tears that come out when clouds become too heavy to carry any more moisture. In that sense, raindrops are tears too! We cry when we can’t handle the emotions that bottle up anymore while the sky cries when the clouds can’t contain their tears anymore. As they fall from the clouds, these raindrops have a short journey until they splatter onto the hard pavement. When it’s a heavy rain, puddles form. Soon after the rain stops, the puddle remains for a little while until it evaporates, returning to the sky as clouds. 

      The life of a raindrop is a never-ending cycle, just like our emotions. We cry when we can’t handle it anymore until we get that momentary relief to help us carry on with our day. Eventually, that relief runs out and we need to cry again. 

      Our emotions are the same as the water cycle. Just like how rain washes away the dust and grime from the world, our tears wash away our pent-up emotions. 

      The next time you see those raindrops streak down a window, remind yourself that everything’s okay. Don’t be ashamed when you feel like crying because just like the sky, you need to cry too.

      Why is Rain So Soothing?

      Did you know there's science behind why crying on a rainy day feels so cathartic? It's sensory congruence - when our inner emotional state matches our outer environment. I often feel a lot more at peace and calm when it’s a rainy day outside. Even while I’m drafting this, I’m listening to the calm sounds of rain on a random YouTube video to get me in the mood for writing. Rain calms us down and slows down the busy lifestyles that we all have.

      Take some time to relax when you see the rain outside! Remember that we should enjoy life and not just partake in the endless rat race. Close your eyes and just listen. Everything else is gone, but focus on the soft pitter-patter. Envision the life of those raindrops and think about your own. We stress out way too much daily. Slow down and just enjoy the moment we have right now.

      Rain Slows Down Life and Makes Us Feel Alive

      Rainy days often force us to slow down, to stay inside, to be still. Rainy days are always my favorite, for exactly this reason.

      We get to stay inside for a day. Maybe you’ll curl up on the sofa with a book or watch a movie, but you get some time purely for yourself and the people you love. This pause from our usual hustle and bustle creates a safe cocoon where we can let our guard down. It's like the rain is giving us permission to be vulnerable.

      Even when we’re outside, a rainy day is a nice change of pace. We lead our lives by going to work and commuting back home. We repeat this so often that life often just becomes a blur that we can’t keep track of. But don’t you remember the last time that you were caught out in the rain?

      For me, I was waiting to go home, but the rain came down pouring minutes before I got off work. I decided to make a break for the train station, with the rain splashing against my shirt and on my face. It was different from just walking to the train station. I felt alive. Maybe this sounds crazy to you. However, I see the rainy day as a nice bookmark in our daily lives, where we can remember the moments that are occurring around us. I can remember the last rainy day I had, but I can’t remember what I even worked on last Tuesday. 

      The Comfort of Solitude

      Crying on a rainy day often involves being alone, but it rarely feels lonely. There's a beautiful solitude in it. The rain outside becomes a gentle companion to your tears. The sound of rain is soothing and you can even imagine each raindrop as a friend who’s listening to your story. The noise of the rain is nature speaking to you (but maybe this makes me sound like too much of a hippie..) The sound of rain is a form of ‘pink noise,’ a constant sound in the background, just like white noise. Pink noise has been proven to help us relax and reduce our brain wave complexity.

      That might be why those rainy days help us reflect and find clarity. As your tears come into sync with the raindrops on the window, you’ll find yourself processing emotions or coming to realizations that were too difficult to face when light is shining in your face on a sunny day.

      The Physical Release of Tears (or Rain)

      Now, this might be a hard one, but can you remember the last time that you’ve felt like crying and you’ve suppressed it? Occasionally, I hear about how people hold back the urge to cry because it wasn’t “the right time or place.” Sure, it might not be best to cry in the middle of a park or during a meeting at work. You might disrupt the people around you or an important meeting, but then, is there a right time or place to cry?

      I find that a rainy day might be nature’s way of reminding you of those sentimental moments when you want to let your raindrops come out. When those first teardrops come out, you might even notice that your body has automatically synced up to the rhythm of those raindrops. Your breaths become deeper, or your tears might fall in time with the one raindrop that you’ve been tracking down to the base of your window.

      This physical synchronization can be incredibly soothing. It's like a gentle reminder from the universe that your feelings are valid, that it's natural to have ups and downs just like the weather.

      A Multisensory Experience

      Crying on a rainy day isn't just about tears and raindrops. It's a full sensory experience:

      • The sound of rain creates a natural white noise, drowning out the world's distractions.
      • The cool, damp air carries the fresh scent of petrichor - that distinctive earthy smell you recognize after the downpour.
      • The soft, diffused light of a rainy day, gently resting on your tear-swollen eyes.
      • The taste of salt from your tears.
      • The sensation of a warm blanket or soft sweater against your skin.

      All of these sensations come together to create an environment where you can’t argue that it’s not the “right time or place.”

      The Aftermath

      One of the most beautiful things about crying on a rainy day is the aftermath. Just like the cathartic feeling that envelops you after a good sob, the sky leaves you with clear skies and a rainbow. How beautiful is that rainbow after the rain?

      There's a reason people often say they feel better after "a good cry." Emotional tears contain stress hormones and other toxins that build up during emotional stress. When you cry, you're literally releasing these chemicals from your body. 

      So go ahead, find a cozy spot by the window. Wrap yourself in something soft. Listen to the rain. And if those tears come, let them fall. Let them mingle with the raindrops on the glass. Let them wash away what needs to be released.

      After you cry, you feel fresh. The world looks a little clearer, feels a little lighter. And you, my friend, you'll have weathered your own internal storm, coming out stronger on the other side.

      Only Humans have Emotional Tears

      In thinking about tears and crying, I ended up stumbling on a super interesting fact during a conversation yesterday.

      “Did you know that only humans cry emotional tears?”

      This was insane to me! What makes this distinction between us and other animals? Are other animals not able to cry or they’re only unable to cry emotional tears? It starts to question, do we know how different animals express their emotions? Is it because we have larger brains that we are the only species that shed tears as a response to emotional stimuli?

      Dr. Ad Vingerhoets, a psychology professor at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, has spent years studying human tears. He suggests that emotional crying might have evolved as a way to signal distress to others without making noise - super important when our ancestors were trying to avoid predators! Does it mean that our previous methods of relieving stress or signaling distress were something like a loud scream instead?

      However, crying isn't just about sadness. We cry when we're overwhelmed with joy when we're frustrated, or just for no reason at all. Our bodies have found this incredible way to release intense emotions that words can't express.

      How Other Animals Express Emotions

      Now, how do other animals express their emotions? They have emotions too, they just express it differently:

      1. Vocalizations:
        Think of a dog whimpering or a cat purring. They’re not crying or screaming, but they’re making a small noise to express their feelings.
      2. Body Language:
        A wagging tail, flattened ears, or bared teeth can speak volumes about an animal's emotional state. Pet owners, you know it best!
      3. Scent:
        Many animals release specific pheromones when they're stressed or excited. There are many animals that release stress-related odors, such as cows, mice, and even us.
      4. Physical Displays:
        Gorillas might beat their chests and birds might puff up their feathers.
      5. Facial Expressions:
        Primates, in particular, can show a range of facial expressions similar to humans.

      Let’s not forget that animals need to express and release their emotions too. When I remember the last time I visited a cat cafe, I noticed how stressed out these cats seemed. They’re constantly meeting new people and getting pet by strangers. I have no idea what i would do if I were in their position. 

      Tears: Our Emotional Safety Valve

      For us humans, tears often come when other forms of expression aren't enough. It's our body's way of saying, "Okay, we've tried everything else, time to cry!"
      I like to think about crying as an emotional bathroom. We have to let out this stress, and sometimes, there just isn’t any other option.

      Dr. William Frey, a biochemist, found that emotional tears contain stress hormones and other toxins. So when we cry, we're literally flushing stress out of our system. Pretty neat, huh?

      What Else Makes Us Unique?

      While emotional tears are a big deal, other things set us apart from our animal friends:

      1. Complex Language:
        We can communicate abstract thoughts and feelings in incredible detail.
      2. Advanced Problem-Solving:
        Our ability to think abstractly and plan for the future is unparalleled. Haven’t you been stressed about the future before? 
      3. Self-Awareness:
        We have a deep understanding of our own existence and mortality. At least I’d like to think so…
      4. Cultural Transmission:
        We pass down knowledge and skills through generations in a way no other species does. Who else writes books or causes generational trauma trying to pass down your grandma’s recipes?
      5. Artistic Expression:
        From cave paintings to symphonies, our creativity is unique. We have so many different design fields, think about the crazy amount of money that people pay for art!
      6. Empathy and Compassion:
        While some animals show forms of empathy, our capacity for it is far more advanced. So don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend when you need them!
      7. Technological Innovation:
        Our ability to create and use complex tools sets us apart. I don’t think I’ve seen monkeys develop and build smartphones before…

      The Emotional Complexity of Humans

      Here's something to think about - our emotional tears might be a sign of just how complex our emotional lives are. We don't just feel basic emotions like fear or anger. We experience nostalgia, existential dread, bittersweet joy, and so many other nuanced feelings that might be uniquely human.

      Dr. Robert Provine, a neuroscientist, suggests that our tears might have evolved alongside our complex social structures. They're a way to signal our emotional state to others, fostering empathy and connection.

      The Power of Shared Tears

      Crying isn’t always something to be hidden either! Sure, there are so many different cultures that shun crying in public (a story for another time), but I find that having someone acknowledge your pain makes you feel a little better in the moment. At that time, the person consoling you might also break down in tears. That's because crying isn't just a personal act - it's a social one. It brings us together, helps us connect, and shows our vulnerability in a way that words often can't. You’re not making them cry, but they’re relating and understanding the pain that you’re going through, and they’re emotionally affected too. It’s okay to cry together.

      So next time you find yourself tearing up, remember that you're tapping into something uniquely human. Those salty droplets rolling down your cheeks are a testament to the depth of your emotions and the complexity of your inner world. If thinking about all this makes you a bit emotional, that's okay. Let those tears flow if they need to.
      They're a reminder of your humanity, your ability to feel deeply, and your connection to everyone else who's ever shed a tear.

      Keep feeling, keep expressing, and keep being wonderfully, emotionally human. Your tears are just one of the many things that make you amazing.

      The Interesting Salty Science of Tears

      We know what tears are, but do we know what tears really are? That sounds like a really stupid sentence, but how many of you can say you know what’s in your tears? They’re these salty droplets that come from your eyes when you’re sad, happy, or chopping onions. Why are they even salty? Let's explore what tears are made of and why they taste like the ocean.

      The Basics: What Are Tears?

      Tears are more than just water coming from our eyes. They're a complex mixture of water, oils, proteins, and electrolytes. Past the chemical makeup, these tears help us release the stresses from our body to function normally everyday. Each tear is like a tiny ocean, both physically and emotionally. They carry important substances to keep both our eyes and hearts healthy and functioning.

      Breaking down the tears, they contain:

      • Mostly water (about 98%)
      • Salts (mostly sodium chloride - the same as table salt!)
      • Proteins (like lysozyme, we’ll get more into this later)
      • Oils (to prevent tears from evaporating too quickly)
      • Mucus (helps tears spread evenly across the eye)

      The Chemical Structure of Tears

      As we know, the basic chemical formula for tears is H2O - just like water. However, all the things we mentioned right above are not accounted for in that formula.

      The salt in tears is mostly sodium chloride (NaCl), the same as table salt. There's also potassium (K), calcium (Ca), and magnesium (Mg). These are all electrolytes, which help us maintain a delicate balance of fluids. Without them, our eyes would dry out or become easily irritated, as opposed to being moist and comfortable. They help tears spread out evenly as well. Do you ever notice that when you only have a few tears come out, instead of when you’re in a full out sob, the tears start to well up in your eyes instead of leaking right out?

      The electrolyte composition is also important to mimic other bodily fluids. This helps make sure our tears are compatible with our eye tissues, preventing irritation. Even more, these electrolytes are antiseptic/antibacterial, fighting off bacteria from staying on the surface of our eyes.

      Other than the electrolytes, proteins like lysozyme and lactoferrin are found within tears. These proteins are the main contributor to fighting off the bacteria and helping our eyes heal, and they wouldn’t be able to exist without having the right electrolyte environment. 

      So the next time you feel tears about to come, don’t hold it back anymore. It’s much better for you to cry, think about it as a natural cycle that happens to help maintain your eye health. 

      What's Inside Tears?

      This is where all those confusing names come in, but it’s still cool to think about!

      • Lysozyme: This enzyme can destroy bacterial cell walls, acting as a natural antibiotic.
      • Lactoferrin: Another antibacterial protein that also helps with iron absorption.
      • Lipocalin: This protein binds to fatty molecules and helps spread tears evenly across the eye surface.
      • Immunoglobulins: These are antibodies that help fight off infections.
      • Glucose: Yes, there's a tiny bit of sugar in your tears!
      • Growth factors: These help in healing and maintaining the cornea.

      I don’t expect anyone to remember all this, but it's still interesting, right?

      A study published in the American Journal of Ophthalmology found over 1,500 proteins in human tears. That's a lot of complexity in each little drop!

      Types of Tears

      Not all tears are created equal. There are actually three main types:

      1. Basal tears: These are the everyday tears that keep our eyes lubricated. They're constantly being produced and are crucial for eye health. Think about when your eyes are dry. That probably means that your body isn’t manufacturing enough tears! These should always be in your eyes. Tears aren’t only limited to when you blink or are sad when tears come out, they’re constantly there.
      2. Reflex tears: These are the tears that flow when something irritates your eye, like dust, wind, or onion vapors. Say you walked past a construction site and some dirt blew into your eye. Your body creates these reflex tears to flush them out. Useful, right?
      3. Emotional tears: These are the tears we typically think of - the ones that come with strong emotions, whether happy or sad. This might be your last breakup, a failed test, or just the stresses of life that we all unfortunately have to go through. Cry a little!

      With all these different types of tears, the chemical composition actually varies a tiny bit between each type. Interestingly, the American Academy of Ophthalmology actually notes that emotional tears have a different chemical composition compared to reflex tears.
      “Higher levels of prolactin, adrenocorticotropic hormone, Leu-enkephalin, potassium and manganese have all been located in emotional tears.”

      Why Are Tears Salty?

      Now, think about the last time you cried. Maybe it was just a small droplet that rolled down your face and it eventually hit your lips. Wasn’t it a bit salty? Our tears have almost the same salt concentration as our blood plasma. We mentioned that there’s sodium chloride in our tears and this saltiness serves several purposes:

      • It helps maintain the right osmotic balance in our eyes.
      • The salt acts as a mild antiseptic.
      • It helps our tears spread evenly across our eyes.

      The concentration of salt in our tears is about roughly 0.9%. Taking seawater into comparison, seawater is at 3.5%. Freshwater, on the other hand, is anything that’s usually less than 1%. Our tears are not quite as salty as seawater, but it could be classified as freshwater, which is not completely salt-free, but definitely still has a decent amount of salt.

      Tears are quite interesting and have a lot more depth than just this liquid which comes out from your eyes when you’re sad. Next time you’re sad and feel like crying, maybe you can be amazed instead from how your body reacts as it’s trying to get that sadness to leave your body.

      They clean our eyes, fight off bacteria, and even help us process emotions. So don't hold back those tears - they're little marvels of nature, each and every one. You're not just crying - you're taking care of your eyes and processing your emotions all at once. 

      It’s okay to cry. These tears are a sign that you're alive, you're feeling, and you're human. And that's a beautiful thing.

      Crying over Generational Trauma

      Today’s topic is a pretty sensitive one, as it’s not always easy to talk about generational trauma as second-generation immigrants. It’s a heavy one, especially to me, as it’s one of the factors which impacted me the most. Let's break it down and maybe shed a few healing tears together.

      The Academic Pressure Cooker

      Generational trauma affects us in all different ways, but one of the biggest is the pressure to do well in school. Many of our parents grew up without the opportunity to go to college. To them, college was the promised land, where you would be educated and emerge from the other side with more potential job prospects. Other alternate pathways were simply inferior to them. They saw success in those who went to college and wanted the best for us, even if that meant putting us through this “academic pressure cooker.”

      We were slowly brewing under the lid of that dreadful process, but they didn't realize that their well intentions was the source of our true pain and tears. Anecdotes of our upbringings are all over the internet, from getting whooped as a child for not getting an A+ on every exam to crying over not being able to answer the math question in front of us. 

      A study published online in 2012 analyzes this exact notion. “Perceptions of living up to parental expectations of current academic performance and personal standards for preparation for a future career partially explained ethnic differences in frequency of academic worry.” I’m an Asian American who went through this struggle. Our parent’s favorite sayings was always “Education is everything,” or “Do better next time.” Still, I sometimes wake up and worry about the fact that I may have not met their expectations for going to an Ivy League college.

      Occasionally, the term “model minority” comes up, and it feels like we now have to be come this  "perfect" immigrant kid. The "model minority" myth isn't just a societal issue - it starts at home. I've cried countless nights feeling like I wasn't living up to this impossible standard. If you've been there, crying about it isn't weakness - it's a release from an unfair expectation that no one should have to bear.

      These stresses really come crashing down on us. There’s not much we can do about it either. They mean well, and we know that, but it’s still insufferable. I’m sure you’ve felt this way too. Getting a bad test score doesn’t mean anything now, but it used to mean that I wasn’t good enough to be their son. Crying was the only option at moments like this. We simply had no way out, crying ourselves to sleep was the only thing that provided a bit of solace. 

      Lost in Translation

      What age were you when they started giving you random government letters to translate for them? How were we supposed to know what the word “government” was in our native tongue?

      There’s actually a term for this. “The phenomenon when the children are socializing the parents is often described as role reversal, parentification, or filial responsibility (Jurkovic, 1997, Jurkovic et al., 2004, Umaña-Taylor, 2003). “

      As second-generation immigrants, we often take on the role as our family’s unofficial translator. From doctor's appointments to tax forms, we became adults way too early. I remember worrying about if I was mis-translating some of these important letters. What if I misunderstood something super important about paying property tax or rent and accidentally got us to fall into a huge mountain of debt? 

      We were literally our family’s lifeline.

      As the only person in my family who spoke English, getting letters in the mail became stress to me. My parents were too busy to take any sort of English class at all, as they took on jobs just to make ends meet. It’s an unfair burden that we carry. Sometimes, I’m grateful for the accelerated path that this forced us to take. We learn a bit more about life, keep our language skills from rusting, and feel like an adult maybe a little sooner.

      Nonetheless, growing up wasn’t easy. Being the child of immigrants comes with a lot of stress. 

      The Career Tug-of-War

      Doctor, lawyer, engineer - sounds familiar, right? Many of us grew up with a very narrow list of "acceptable" careers. The whole notion of an “acceptable career” seems crazy to me. All jobs in the world help keep the globe spinning, how would we be able to work in the setting of one of these “acceptable” careers if there weren't janitors to keep the place clean? For sure, our parents want these higher-paying careers for us not only for their bragging rights and prestige but to see us not have to suffer through the struggles of life.

      We fall into these endless cycles of guilt when they compare us to their friend’s son or daughter who just got into Harvard. We wonder what would have happened if we studied a little harder in school and we were in that position instead, but I don’t think we truly needed to worry about these things at all. More often than not, we go to college and get a degree just for the sake of it, not truly considering what our values are and what we want to study because it’s impossible to make that decision when we haven’t even seen the real world yet.

      How are we supposed to know what we want to do with our lives? How are we supposed to know what major we want to dedicate the rest of our lives to when the only thing we’ve done is go through school and take tests on these subjects which we didn’t have any choice? For the vast majority of those people who end up taking a linear path and graduating at light speed, I find that they often don’t enjoy it. We need time to slow down and process our emotions, values, and desires.

      If you’ve ever cried because you don’t know what to do with your life, that’s okay. Putting it bluntly, who does? Who can know what they want to do, right out of the womb? Take your time to go through life step by step, we pave our path at the rate we want.

      The Invisible Weight of Sacrifice

      "We gave up everything for you." How many times have we heard that? The guilt of our parents' sacrifices can be overwhelming. Sometimes, I break down thinking about all my parents gave up. It's okay to cry about this - those tears honor their sacrifices while acknowledging the emotional toll it takes on us.

      Friend, if you've found yourself crying over any (or all) of these things, you're not alone. Generational trauma is real, and it hurts. But here's the beautiful thing - by talking about it, by sharing our tears and experiences, we're starting to heal. Not just for ourselves, but for future generations too.

      Remember, every tear you shed is washing away a little bit of that pain. Every time you open up about these struggles, you're creating space for others to do the same. It's okay to cry, to feel overwhelmed, to question. That's how we start to break these cycles.

      So next time you feel those tears coming on, let them flow. Cry it out, then reach out. To a friend, a therapist, or even to communities online where others share similar experiences. Because when we share our stories, we realize we're not alone in this journey.

      You're doing great.