Think about the last time that you were crying together with someone. It’s that beautiful moment when you're crying, and your friend starts tearing up too.
Something might have happened. Your friend just broke up from a long relationship and you went over to console them. It might even be the other way around. Either way, one of you started telling the story about how everything happened. At one point, you notice that they’re starting to cry and break down from the emotions that start to over take them. “Don’t cry, you’re going to make me cry too.”
Why is that?
Sharing Your Tears
The last time I listened to a close friend talk about their struggles, we both ended up crying. It wasn’t long, but it felt like we both felt better for some reason. A little afterwards, I decided to share a bit of what was on my mind too. Before I knew it, I looked up and saw tears streaming down her face too. There was something so incredibly comforting about not crying alone.
Here's the beautiful thing – we're literally wired for this connection. Scientists call it "emotional contagion," which in short, is the same as our hearts being tuned to the same frequency. When someone we care about cries, our bodies respond with empathy in the most physical way possible – through our own tears. It’s similar to mirroring but on a more emotional level.
The Safety of Shared Vulnerability
You don’t have to cry alone. Once you realize that, your relationships with others seem to get so much closer. It might be because you’re both suffering from the same things, or just the fact that misery loves company. Here are a few of the reasons why I think crying together is great.
- There's no need to explain yourself.
- You simply just cry. The other person listening to your story is most likely someone who you already feel comfortable confiding in. They’re not a complete stranger and even better, they probably all the backstory already. They’re familiar with your characteristics and occasionally, you don’t even need to talk to understand each other. When they fill all of these boxes, I can’t imagine anyone better to confide in.
- No one's trying to fix anything.
- You’re hearing each other out. You’re not proposing a solution (which I honestly tend to do sometimes, I know, it’s a bad habit) but you’re there to remind them that they’re not alone.
- The silence is perfectly okay.
- After you start crying, that’s just in. The silence settles in, but it’s a comfortable silence. You’ve already shared the issues that you’re dealing with and purged your body of the heaviness that was overtaking you. Let time do the rest.
- Your tears validate each other's feelings.
- It’s just that simple. Your story has invoked their feelings as well. They’re not screaming at you or blaming you for the situation that happened, but they understand and their body is showing that. Your feelings are valid.
Creating a Safe Crying Space
If you're thinking about sharing your tears with a friend, here's what I've learned works best:
- Find a cozy, private space.
- Turn off your phones.
- Maybe bring some tissues (okay, definitely bring tissues!)
- Let go of any timeline.
- Remember there's no "right way" to do this.
Of course, you probably won’t be able to set the scene for it, as if you’re completely prepared to cry. However, it’s good to keep these things in mind
Beyond the Tears
Something incredible happens after you cry with someone:
- Your friendship deepens.
- Trust grows stronger.
- You feel lighter together.
- There's this beautiful unspoken understanding.
- Future vulnerability becomes easier.
When we cry together, our bodies release oxytocin – the same hormone that helps mothers bond with their babies. It's like nature's way of saying, "Yes, this is exactly what you're supposed to do!" Our shared tears literally bring us closer together.
A Few Gentle Reminders
Dear friend, if you're thinking of sharing your tears with someone:
- You're not "bringing them down." You’re friends for a reason.
- You're not "too emotional.” We’re emotional creatures.
- You're creating space for authentic connection.
- You're allowing them to be real too.
- You're strengthening your bond in the most honest way.
The Aftermath of Shared Tears
There's this beautiful moment after crying together – you might find yourselves laughing about your mascara-stained cheeks, or sharing that look that says "wow, that was intense." These moments are pure gold. They're the foundation of relationships that last a lifetime.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing about crying together is that you don't need to say anything at all. Just being there, sharing in each other's emotions, is enough. It's like your tears are having a conversation all their own.
Next time you feel tears coming on, and you're with someone you trust, try not to hold back. You might just find that your vulnerability creates a space for them to be vulnerable too. And in that shared space of tears and trust, something beautiful happens – you both remember that you're not alone.
Remember, when someone cries with you, they're giving you one of the most precious gifts possible – their raw, unfiltered humanity. And when you cry with them, you're doing the same.
P.S. If you're reading this with tears in your eyes, know that somewhere out there, I'm probably tearing up too. That's just how connected we all are.