Midlife crisis is real. You just graduated last year and started working, and now you realize you’re not enjoying your job. How much longer do you think you can last here? Is this even the right field for you?
These are some thoughts that I’ve recently started having and it seems like many people around me share the same thoughts. We’ve just seen a harsh round of layoffs, followed by some of the closest coworkers leaving to go elsewhere. I wonder how many of you out there are going through the same thing. I’ve been doing a bit of research on what this feeling is called. You’ve probably heard of it before, and it’s called the quarter-life crisis.
The Post-College Midlife Crisis: Did I pick the wrong major?
You know that feeling when you've spent five years studying something, and now that you're doing it, something just feels... off? That's where I am with architecture right now. Don't get me wrong – I love design and it’s helped me craft a design-oriented mindset. But sitting at my desk, staring at Revit/Rhino all day, I can't help but wonder: how long can I last here until I burn out?
In architecture school, you’re playing around with designs without considering how everything’s actually built. Now, we have to figure out every single corner, detail, material, and everything else in the world that you could ever think of. It doesn’t stop there.
The best part is that the fun and glamorous design work is maybe not even 20% of the job. The majority of our day is filled with constant coordination meetings with consultants, revising the same drawing you’ve been looking at for ages, and appeasing all the little nuances in corporate culture. Looking around me, I start to wonder why everyone is here. Why do people work here? Are we all just trapped in this endless rat race? I’m sure that this isn’t just for architecture. How much of our life do we have to throw away at these jobs? When is it time for us to start looking elsewhere?
Starting a Business: The Side Hustle Struggle
So here I am, building something of my own on the side. It’s this website and community that I want to build for people like us, people who are pent up with frustration and no outlet. It's exciting and terrifying all at once. Every evening after work, while my friends are out having drinks to ease the pain of work, I’m working on this. The drive to get out of this rat race is what keeps me going. From my 5-9 after work to the hours that I spend commuting to and from work, I’m always studying marketing, business plans, and other ways to make money so that I can do something that feels more fulfilling.
Along with the hope that maybe this will take off one day, there’s always this little voice in my head asking if I'm crazy for trying this. Am I throwing away a stable career? How many months of my savings will I be throwing away if this doesn’t work? If this doesn’t work out, I’ll have to go back to slowly climbing this corporate ladder that I’m trying so hard to get away from. There are so many questions that taking a path like this brings up, not even taking into account the judgment of everyone around me.
Finding Free Time: The Mythical Work-Life Balance
In college, there was nothing I wanted more than to graduate and start working. That was the dream back then. Keeping a consistent 9-5, making money, and having fun on the weekends. These days, my calendar looks like a game of Tetris gone wrong. Between my 9-5 architecture job, building the business, trying to maintain some semblance of social life, and occasionally remembering to exercise, free time is a foreign concept to me.
I’ve become disconnected from the people who I used to laugh and play games with every night. I've cried more than once over the guilt of going out to hang out when I feel that time could have been used more productively by working towards financial freedom. The guilt of constantly telling friends "I can't make it" weighs heavy. And some nights, when I finally crawl into bed at 1 AM after working on the business, I wonder if I'm missing out on my youth.
The Breaking Point (And Why It's Okay)
There’s only so much that we can handle until we realize that we’ve burnt out. We need to quit. But we can’t quit. We need a source of income and for those who are here under work visas, we’ll be forced to leave the country if we’re unemployed after a certain amount of time. We’re all so trapped. What can we even do? Eventually, the feeling will come where you can’t handle it anymore. You feel like punching a wall, crying into your pillow, and screaming at the top of your lungs.
That’s okay. And that’s what I did too.
It feels good. Not much feels better than a good cry. You sleep better and feel refreshed, and for just a few moments, all those worries are off of your shoulders. It's part of handling a midlife crisis.
Moving Forward
I don't have all the answers yet. Some days I still feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark. But I'm starting to realize that maybe that's the point. What I'm learning (and what I want you to know) is that it's okay to feel lost in your mid-twenties.
It's okay to question your career choice. It's okay to cry about Excel spreadsheets at midnight. And it's okay to not have it all figured out. To everyone out there feeling lost in your quarter-life crisis: I see you. I feel you. And yes, I'm crying with you. But we're going to figure this out, one day at a time, one breakdown at a time, one small victory at a time.
We're all just trying our best to navigate this mess together.