Generational trauma is an experience that almost all of us have gone through, in one way or another. I've been sitting here, thinking about how to share this with you. It’s a little different for each of us, but it consistently instills this depression or negative mentality in every single one of us.
It’s not even like they want to. They often don’t realize the negative aspects of it, raising us the same way that they were raised. For instance, growing up with abusive parents might affect your own personal relationships with people. It makes it harder for us to trust others or even carry on those traits into your own life. It’s a vicious cycle that doesn’t end until we make an active change to.
After reading "Crying in H Mart" by Michelle Zauner, I've been reflecting deeply on the way trauma flows through our family lines like an invisible river, and how our tears can help us navigate these waters. Reading Zauner's memoir reminded me how our bodies carry not just our own pain, but also the unspoken hurts of those who came before us.
Echoes from H Mart: Understanding Generational Trauma
As much as I’d love to pretend like I understand generational trauma, I truly don’t. However, what I can do is highlight the different pain points that we’ve experienced. I truly believe that even if we aren’t able to solve things right away, talking about what we’ve gone through and finding a community that relates is the first step to shifting our perspective in the right direction.
- The unspoken expectations enforced upon us.
I’m sure that you’ve heard all of these before, whether it happened to you or just the stereotype. I find that they don’t focus on our strengths because they might think that we think we’ve done enough and might want to give up. What they do focus on is trying to make us strive for more.
- “Didn’t you study a lot? Why didn’t you do better?”
- “Look at how good your cousin is.”
- And of course, “You should be a doctor or lawyer.”
- The complex dance of love and duty that often leaves us breathless.
A lot of the tough love they give us is usually in good faith, to keep us away from the bad paths and difficulties that they went through. For me, neither of my parents went to college. I’m a first-generation college student, as are many of us, and this comes from their experience that many people around them could not make a decent living without a college degree. That high bar runs us dry. The sleepless nights and high levels of stress are something a child should not have to go through at such a young age, even if it comes from good intentions. - The way food becomes a language when words fail us.
I find that many parents are allergic to verbally apologizing. I’m not sure what it is. However, there’s always a few times where they either realize that they were wrong or that they went too far.
When this happens, it turns into a bowl of fruit. It’s a soft knock on the door, followed by a bowl of peeled oranges on your table. To this day, I still don’t understand it. However, they’re making an effort to mend the situation. Let’s prevent things from ever getting to that point. - The silent sacrifices our parents made.
I recently saw an article in which Jeremy Lin’s parents took money out of their 401k to make ends meet when he was chasing his NBA dream. I was stunned. Take a minute to think about the sacrifices that our parents made for us. Often times, they give up their own hopes and dreams to help us achieve our own. Even to this day, I’m still finding out about the sacrifices that my mom has made for me.
Your Body Knows the Truth
As we realize all the different ways that generational trauma has affected us, your heart might be feeling a lot heavier. That tension in your shoulders? Those unexplained anxiety spikes? Your body might be telling a story that started long before you. According to research published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, trauma can actually alter how our genes express themselves, affecting how we respond to stress across generations.
Why Your Tears Matter More Than You Know
When you let yourself cry, something remarkable happens:
- Your body releases stress hormones through your tears
- Your nervous system gets a chance to reset
- You're literally releasing genetic trauma responses
- You're breaking patterns of emotional suppression
Studies have shown that emotional tears contain higher levels of stress hormones than regular tears. It's like your body knows exactly how to cleanse itself of pain - even the kind that's been passed down through generations.
The Permission to Feel and Heal
Here's what I want you to know, dear friend: when you cry, you're not just healing yourself. You're doing the work that maybe your parents, grandparents, or great-grandparents couldn't do. You're breaking chains that have been wrapped around your family tree for generations.
A Gentle Practice for Release
Find a quiet space where you feel safe. Maybe it's in your car, like me, or maybe it's in your shower where tears mix with water. Place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Breathe deeply and say:
"I honor the pain that flows through my bloodline. I give myself permission to release what isn't mine to carry. With each tear, I heal not just myself, but my past and future."
Recent studies in epigenetics suggest that when we process trauma through emotional release (like crying), we can actually influence how our genes express themselves. This means your tears aren't just healing you - they're potentially healing your future children too.
Remember, dearest friend, your tears are acts of revolution against generations of suppressed emotion. They are powerful beyond measure. They are healing beyond time.
Let them fall. Let them heal. Let them break the chains.
Note: While emotional release through crying is healing, generational trauma can be complex. If you're struggling, please consider reaching out to a mental health professional who understands cultural and generational trauma. You don't have to walk this path alone.