Maybe you need to cry with a friend.
“Why would you want someone to see you cry instead of just crying alone?”
I always wondered about why we cry alone. Is it better to cry alone, or do we feel better when we cry in front of someone? There are only a few times I can think of where I was crying in front of someone, and having them there made me feel better than if I were alone.
I know this sounds crazy, and it has always sounded crazy.
Whenever I brought up this idea to different people, many of them couldn’t relate. It always feels like you need to hide those tears cause it’s embarrassing to expose yourself during one of your most vulnerable moments. Recently, I explained the idea of my thesis (on creating a space to cry) to my best friend. I had mentioned it before but hearing his reaction again, I was still taken aback. “Hearing other people cry would send shivers down my spine.”
I understood though. Sometimes it feels like you need to hide those tears, to keep them all to yourself. But let me tell you, there's something incredibly powerful about sharing your vulnerable moments with others. Let’s try to understand why crying with company might just be the emotional release you need.
Don't be sad alone, Cry with a Friend
There's something special about crying with your best friend. It takes a while to get to that point. They might be a friend who you haven’t shared your deepest moments with because you’ve been scared to open up to them, or maybe you’ve already had that time with them. In the end, I guarantee you’ll feel better and they’ll be honored to have seen you at both your best and your worst. Sharing tears with them can be incredibly cathartic.
Here's why:
- Validation:
When you cry with a close friend, they validate your feelings. Their presence says, "I see you, and your emotions are valid." I’ve caught myself doubting myself and my emotions a million times, but having someone to reassure you that you’re not crazy speaks volumes. - Comfort:
A friend can offer a shoulder to cry on, literally. Physical comfort through a hug or simply sitting close can be incredibly soothing. Think about if you were on the other end. Would you rather have someone you care about suffer alone or be there for them, and make sure that they’re okay? - Understanding:
Likely, you’ve already told them a lot of different things, so you don't have to explain everything. Maybe you’re even in that stage where you give each other the look when something happens and there’s no need for more explanation. They get it, and that understanding is priceless.
Research from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships shows that social support during times of stress can significantly reduce negative emotions. So next time you feel those tears coming, you don’t need to hide anymore. Maybe, go somewhere quiet and comfortable, and give them a call. Tell them the full story. They’ll tell you that it’s all okay. And soon after, you’ll feel better again. Much better than if you had to cry alone.
The Magic of Three: Small Group Support
Now, what if you weren’t just crying in front of one other person?
This seems even crazier, but what if you were sitting with two other friends and you all ended up crying? You could have been sharing something that you could all actually relate to! There’s tons of occurrences in this world, and sometimes, we share a lot of the same traumas. Growing up as an immigrant, it’s almost a universal feeling that your parents want the best for you. In turn, that puts a crazy amount of stress over your head. That’s a feeling that we all share!
That’s why sharing your feelings in a group might make you feel better.
- Diverse Perspectives:
Different friends might offer various viewpoints on your situation, helping you see things in a new light. Perhaps they had a slightly different situation. You might have wished that you did something different at a certain moment, and they already previously took that path. Hearing from them might help you realize what would have happened if you did, putting those restless thoughts to ease. - Shared Experiences:
You might find that others have gone through similar struggles, making you feel less alone. Have you ever talked to your friends about how you got beat as a kid? Maybe it was a slipper, a coat hanger, or a belt, but I’m sure the list goes on and on. I know that I’ve shared this story a million times. - Collective Strength:
There's strength in numbers. Crying together can make you feel part of a supportive tribe. Instead of having just one person reassure you in a time where you feel down, it never hurts to have another arm around your shoulder.
If you’ve been feeling down in the dumps recently, maybe it's time to organize that small group catch-up you've been putting off.
Larger Groups: The Healing Power of Community
Now, crying in a larger group might sound intimidating, but hear me out. Whether it's a support group, a church gathering, or even a concert crowd during an emotional song, there's something profoundly moving about shedding tears with many others:
- Anonymity with Connection:
Say that you’re sitting in a church. There’s rows of people around you, and you vaguely know most of the people there. The pastor just told a really sad story about how someone close to all of us had passed. You hear a sniffle here and there, but you don’t really know who it is. Not before long, you’ve started sniffling too.
In a larger group, you might feel more comfortable crying because you're not the sole focus, yet you're still connected to others. You’re all sharing the same emotions, showing that you’re not the only one suffering from this event. - Collective Catharsis: There's a ripple effect in group emotions. One person's vulnerability can open the floodgates for others, leading to a shared emotional release. “Don’t cry, I’m going to cry if you cry.” We hear this saying a lot, and it’s this natural reaction that our body gives us. So cry! Accept your feelings for what they are.
- Sense of Belonging:
Crying with a community reminds you that you're part of something bigger than yourself.
Just like with the example in the church, you need to feel like you’re a part of something bigger. We have communities, clubs in school, and even that friend group that we always end up talking to. Humans are social creatures. Embrace that.
Professional Support: Crying with a Therapist
Every so-called ‘enlightened’ person preaches therapy and says that we should go to therapy. It’s all over social media with apps like Betterhelp, but I’ve always been skeptical. Do I really want to fork over all that money to talk to someone? Maybe I do, and there’s probably a good reason for that.
They’re a professional. They’re used to and they’ve seen a million of these situations. Some of them might not be the right therapist for you, but it’s not like every doctor is the right doctor for you either, right? Despite all that, they’ve been trained to deal with situations like these. A lot of people actually do cry during therapy, and it’s often incredibly beneficial.
- Safe Space:
Therapists provide a judgment-free zone where you can express your emotions freely. They’re not someone who’s caught up in the drama of the reason why you feel sad, but someone completely detached from the story. It’s safe to talk to them about this. They won’t judge you, but they’re always there to listen to you. - Guided Processing:
A therapist can help you understand and work through the emotions behind your tears. They can give you objective feedback but listen and respond to your emotional needs at the same time. - Skill Building:
You can learn healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with intense emotions in the future. Instead of breaking down or lashing out at that time, I’ve seen people come out of therapy with different skills to regulate their emotions. Maybe they simply had to count to 10 before doing anything else. Most of the time, those ten seconds are all we need to stop ourselves from doing something we’d regret.
Even The American Psychological Association notes that emotional expression, including crying, is often a crucial part of the therapeutic process. That’s even more reason to cry during therapy!
Virtual Connections: Crying in the Digital Age
In our increasingly connected world, you don't even have to be in the same room to cry together:
- Video Calls:
Seeing a loved one's face, even on a screen, can provide comfort when you're upset. That one friend might be across the planet and you can’t meet them physically, but you can see them right now. Just FaceTime them! We live in an age where we don’t have to hang out in person to update our friends about what’s going on, but it’s possible at the click of a buton. - Online Support Groups:
These can offer a safe space to share your feelings with others who understand. Even here! I’ve recently started a Reddit, and I’m hoping that we can build a safe community. Maybe you need relationship advice, or just someone to talk to and respond to how you feel. It’s completely anonymous too! That one message from a stranger might be all you need to feel better.
Crying is Normal
Remember, crying is a natural, healthy part of being human. And while sometimes you might need that solo cry session, don't forget that sharing your tears with others can be incredibly healing. Whether it's with one trusted friend, a small group, a larger community, a professional, or even through a screen, you have options.
You don't have to cry alone. Your tears are valid, your feelings matter, and there are people out there who want to support you. So next time you feel those tears coming, consider reaching out. You might just find that crying together brings a special kind of healing that crying alone can't match.
And hey, if reading this made you a bit teary-eyed, that's okay too. We're in this together, even if it's just through these words on a screen. Keep feeling, keep connecting, and remember - you're never truly alone in your emotions.