The nights when I couldn’t stop vomiting.
It wasn’t easy. Even from just reading the title of this section, you can imagine how I felt at that moment. There are times in our lives when we feel like everything’s gone to shit. For me, that was this one breakup.
It was the end of a relationship that I had never seen coming, and I had no idea it would end this way. I thought things were going great (even to the point of considering marriage) until I got that one feeling and that one message, to the one conversation that led to us deciding that we didn’t need each other anymore.
Those two months were spent staring at the ceiling for hours on end, with the occasional break of sobbing my heart out until I felt like I didn’t have any tears to cry anymore. Occasionally, it got so bad that I started physically vomiting from the depression I was going through. I really didn’t understand how I was vomiting. It’s just the emotions that were coursing through me, how was it possible that I was vomiting out everything when I hadn’t eaten for days? There was nothing in my stomach and it was an experience that I had never felt before.
I struggled to find myself, and as everyone likes to say when they break up, I went on this “healing journey.” But in reality, it takes a while until you get to the point where you can even start doing that.
On those nights, huddled over the toilet with my tears mixing with the contents of my stomach, I felt utterly broken. But little did I know, this huge turning point in my life became the foundation for what I felt like I wanted to now dedicate my life to - this blog, and my mission to help others feel just a little bit better each day.
The Mind-Body Connection: Why We Get Sick When We're Sad
Why does extreme emotional distress make us physically ill?
One of the first articles that I read to try to understand how I felt was on Cleveland Clinic.
““Your anxious feelings can translate into a whole range of gastrointestinal (GI) symptoms, including stress nausea, abdominal pain, changes in bowel habits and even stress vomiting,” Dr Tramontana explains.”
The connection between our minds and bodies is truly complex. When we're in a state of intense emotional pain, our body goes into an immediate stress response. This triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which can cause physical symptoms including nausea and vomiting. It was only here that I realized how connected our minds and our bodies were.
Finding Purpose in Pain: The Birth of a Mission
But here's the thing - as awful as it feels, this physical purging can actually be a step toward healing. (Isn’t that insane?) Just as our tears release emotional toxins, vomiting can feel like a physical release of our pain. It's our body's way of saying, "I can't hold this anymore." Just like that, our body turns our emotions, something intangible, into vomit, a physical substance that we can get rid of from our bodies!
Those nights of combined emotional and physical purging became a turning point for me. They stripped me bare, yes, but they also cleared the way for a new perspective. Each time, I got up from the toilet and rinsed out my mouth, feeling a tiny bit better than I did before. I would talk to the two closest friends I had about it, I even ended up vomiting on call once…
With their reassurance, I realized that if I could survive feeling this awful, I could survive anything. More importantly, I understood that no one should have to go through such pain alone.
That's when the idea for this blog was born. I wanted to create a space where people could come when they felt overwhelmed, a place that said, "I see you. I've been there. And I promise you, everything will be okay."
The Light at the End of the Tunnel: Everything Is Okay
Because that's the truth I wish I had known back then: everything is okay. Even when it feels like your world is ending, even when you're crying so hard you're sick, even when you can't see a way forward - you are okay. This pain is not forever.
The experience changed me profoundly. It taught me empathy in a way I'd never known before. It showed me the strength that lies within vulnerability. It helped me understand that our lowest moments can become our greatest teachers if we let them.
A Message of Hope: You Are Not Alone
To anyone reading this who's in that dark place right now: I see you. I feel your pain. And I want you to know that you are not alone. What you're feeling is valid, and it's okay to let it out - whether that's through tears, through physical illness, or both.
Remember, your body is trying to help you. It's attempting to process and release the immense emotions you're experiencing. It's okay to let that happen. It's okay to cry until you're empty. It's okay to be sick with grief. It's all okay.
And when the storm passes - because it will pass - you'll find that you're still standing. You might be shaky, you might be exhausted, but you'll be there. And you'll be stronger for having survived through it.
Everything is okay. You are okay. This pain is not your forever state. It's a moment in time, a chapter in your story. And just like every storm eventually clears, this too shall pass.
So cry if you need to. Let your body process this pain however it needs to. And know that on the other side of this, there's healing. There's growth. There's a version of you that's more compassionate, more resilient, and more beautiful for having gone through this.
You are not alone. We're in this together. And I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, everything is going to be okay.
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